This Map Will Tell You If You’ll Survive A Nuclear Attack

Pack your bags and head to Aberdeen pronto...

Mushroom cloud nuclear attack
Boom! A nuclear mushroom cloud. Image AFP/Getty

We might be decades removed from the Cold War, but with Donald Trump heading to the White House there’s a nagging worry that the apocalypse might be just around the corner.

Giving the red nuclear button to a trigger happy businessman who used to gleefully yell “you’re fired!” for a living might be some cause for concern, and now there’s a new interactive map online that’ll let you know if you’re in a nuclear blast radius.

WouldISurviveANuke presents a worldwide Google Map allowing you to punch in your location and see just how close you are to complete annihilation.

The blast radius is shown in four different coloured circles denoting first, second and third degree burns… plus the inevitable: death.

Basically, if you’re anywhere near a major ‘target’ city you’re done for. Of course, WouldISurviveANuke isn’t meant to be taken completely seriously – as evidenced by the cheery messages the site throws up.

“Even though you’re dead, you still manage to achieve your lifelong goal: slow decomposition!” reads the verdict for those living close to Central London.

New York residents are done for, with a death that’s”excruciatingly painful, horribly long, and sickening to watch… like Thursday nights on NBC”.

Tokyo, home to many a Godzilla rampage, doesn’t fare much better. “Welp, you’re dead. That desk you hid under failed miserably to protect you,” the map says.

But where should you go to live? One word: Aberdeen.

“Not dead, but you wish you were because the internet has been knocked out,” the map says of the Scottish city’s survival chances.

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Loaded digital media manager Simon Reynolds has written about film and entertainment for various leading websites since 2008. Follow Simon at @simonreyn