US Woman Arrested After Pooping On Same Street Three Times In Space Of A Month

She claimed the poops were a result of lactose intolerance. Bail was set at $500.

Poo Emoji
Poo Emoji No laughing matter

In the criminal justice system, poop-based offences are considered especially heinous.

They are also considered newsworthy, which explains why the story of one woman’s crap-based crimes were deemed newsworthy by NBC New York. That and the fact that the woman involved was guilty of pooping on three separate occasions. All on the same street.

Holly Malone, from Simsbury, Connecticut is today facing some tricky questions from friends and family after her dirty habits were revealed to the public.

It all started last November when a state trooper was contacted by a member of the public over a rather unusual issue: poop kept appeared on the street of an undeveloped cul-de-sac in East Granby and no one knew why.

A closer inspection of the “evidence” confirmed the worst: the poo was human, while toilet paper was also found at the scene. Keen to catch the culprit (possibly) brown-handed, police set up a motion-activated camera to help identify the phantom pooper.

A few months later, when more faeces was found at the scene, police consulted the camera footage and soon identified the prime poo suspect as the 43-year-old Malone.

Holly Malone's mugshot.

When confronted over her crimes, Simsbury resident Malone cried foul, claiming that the poop was a result of her lactose intolerance.

Malone is not supposed to eat or drink dairy products but sometimes does, with messy results. Something doesn’t quite add up though.

For one thing, Malone lives three-and-a-half miles from the scene of the crime. Secondly, roads and pathways don’t tend to work well as crapping spots, what with all the footfall – were no bushes available?

Finally, there’s the fact that she did it three separate times in the same place – why not mix it up? Live a little? Cover yourself against getting caught out like this?

Malone was subsequently charged with second-degree breach of the peace, with a bond set at $500. She is due in court on March 1. She may want to lay off the milkshakes that day.

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Loaded staff writer Jack Beresford has produced content for Lad Bible, Axonn Media and a variety of online sports and news media outlets.