Usain Bolt’s chat up lines definitely need some work

That the triple Olympic champion even needs lines is bad enough.

Usain Bolt of Jamaica at the Olympics.
Bolt bantz But few are amused.

Usain Bolt might be the world’s fastest man; he might be the first guy to claim the triple triple at the Olympics but when it comes to talking to women he’s unlikely to even scrape home with a bronze.

According to The Sun, the Jamaican has got his patter down to a fine art, the only problem is, it’s the kind of patter usually reserved for characters from a Viz comic strip or Charlie Brooker creation Nathan Barley.

“Show me your boobs and you can feel my gongs.”

The story goes that Bolt invited a veritable bevvy of young women back to his hotel room in London’s West End for a very special after party with the most famous sprinter in the world.

It was there, after splashing an insane sum of money of drinks for everyone, that Bolt unveiled an indecent proposal of his own with The Sun claiming he offered the women in attendance the following:

“Show me your boobs and you can feel my gongs.”

What an enticing prospect. Also, it’s difficult to determine whether, by gongs, he meant his gold medals or his…well, you get the idea.

The offer went down well enough though, with the women in attendance even reportedly indulging in Bolt’s request to conduct a fake medal ceremony.

Not quite sure how the podium places were determined. Hopefully nothing too dodgy.

The revelations do at least highlight the need for Bolt to get back into training – when it comes to how he goes about meeting women.

Some good old fashioned conversation might do the business, then again, something a little tamer, like “I’m not a photographer…but I can picture us together” always works well.

Or rather, won’t result in you getting an entirely justified slap.

Previous Post
Next Post

Loaded staff writer Jack Beresford has produced content for Lad Bible, Axonn Media and a variety of online sports and news media outlets.