This is the ultimate Eurovision drinking game

Get the beers in. And a few pizzas.

The Eurovision Song Contest is nearly upon us, bringing with it another heady night of unforgettable performances, international brown-nosing and flags. Lots and lots of flags.

It’s a traditionally silly affair, with big costumes, brash lyrics and imagine sets designs the main order of the day.

More importantly, with the contest taking place on a Saturday night, it’s the perfect show to enjoy from the comfort of your sofa alongside a drink or three.

So, stock up on your booze of choice, along with a bit of food to soak up all that alcohol: it’s time to play the Ultimate Eurovision Drinking Game.

On-stage & BBC Presenters

Drink one finger if…

On-stage presenters try, and fail, to be funny.

One or more of the on-stage presenters changes outfits.

The on-stage presenters have a time-wasting conversation no-one can follow.

The presenters attempt to flirt with one another.

The BBC Presenter mentions Terry Wogan

The BBC Presenter mentions “Jemini” or “Bucks Fizz”

The BBC Presenter mentions that he/she needs or is drinking alcohol

The BBC Presenter moans about political voting

Drink twice if the presenter apologises for not being Terry Wogan

Performers

Drink one finger if…

Singers wave their arms around whilst singing

Singers put excessive emotion into their singing

Entries have nonsensical song titles (shoo-be-doo-wop etc)

Singers try to join in with musicians during instrumentals

Singers have an exceptionally bad haircut

You see visible/prominent nipples/genitalia.

The Maltese performer does NOT have a hairy chest

The French performer sings in French

Singers resemble, or appear to be hugely influenced by Shakira

The singer tries to interact with the audience (“c’mon!”, “altogether!” etc)

The act involves dancing that surpasses belief and credibility

The singer flirts with the camera after song has finished

A country from former Yugoslavia has a depressing song

There is use of atmospheric panpipes, drums, fiddles and/or traditional dancing

Lyrics are overly suggestive

There are any unnecessary props, or instruments that aren’t being played

The act uses a wind or smoke machine

The singer switches to a higher key near to the end of their song (“Westlife Key Change”)

A singer begins to act out the lyrics of the song

An act could be considered to be a “Boy Band”

Drink twice if the performer clenches a fist to express emotional angst (“Fisting”)

Drink twice if the performer clenches 2 fists (“Two Handed Fisting Special Move”)

Down your drink if the performer clenches 2 fists and crosses their arms (“Double Crossover Air Grab”)

Down your drink if you see an air guitar

Drink twice if you see a mullet

Drink twice and look disappointed if a ballad is exceptionally boring or euro-techno rears its ugly head

Judging

Drink one finger if…

Presenters talk over each other due to bad time delays during video links

Reference is made to Norway or the UK’s null point years

Cyprus gives Greece 12 points

Norway gives Sweden any points but not vice-versa

Malta gives the UK 12 points

There is any sucking up to the host nation

France gives United Kingdom null point

An ex-soviet country gives 12 points to another ex-soviet country

Acts are on their mobile phones during voting

And finally…

Down you drink if…

Germany’s song does not mention peace, harmony or love.

The French performer sings in English

Germany spares one single point for her southern neighbour, Austria.

Norway DOES NOT give Sweden any points.

Greece DOES give Turkey some points

A performance defies belief by meeting all of the “performers” rules.

An ex-soviet country wins

Previous Post
Next Post

Loaded staff writer Jack Beresford has produced content for Lad Bible, Axonn Media and a variety of online sports and news media outlets.