Tim Farron is under pressure. Not only does the leader of the Liberal Democrats have a snap election to contend with, and continued questions over his stance on gay marriage, but he’s also in danger of losing his seat in Westmorland and Lonsdale…to a fish finger.
An anonymous individual, evidently fed up with Farron and perhaps politics as a whole, has set up a Twitter account called MrFishFingerMP.
The initial aim was to raise the £500 deposit required to run against Farron in the Westmorland and Lonsdale constituency but he’s already smashed that target.
“I have lived in a constituency in which the MP was leader of the party. I understand that a leader can often overlook vital local issues,” the mysterious Fish Finger MP writes as part of a pun-tastic statement on his official website.
“Should you choose to elect me, my sole concern will be that of our constituency.”
“I am a committed cod-botherer but do not allow my personal choices to affect my work. I believe everyone, regardless of sexual orientation, has the right to be with whoever they choose.
“Too many politicians waste your time by angling after your votes with false promises only to flounder around once in office.”
MrFishFingerMP also sets out a pretty clear, fish-based manifesto, for voters to read over:
- “I intend to swim against the stream by stamping out council waste and inefficiency. And eat more fish fingers.”
- “There has been too much carping on about Brexit. It is time for the country to come together and work towards our shared successful future.”
- “I do not believe in discrimination in any form, including positive discrimination. I am not a supporter of quotas. Except fishing quotas, that is. I will work tirelessly to secure our rights post-Brexit and attract inward investment to our beleaguered fishing industry.”
- “Schools. Very important. Very important indeed.”
- “I am a firm believer in the continued union of our country. We have heard enough from Sturgeon and Salmon.”
Ending with the hashtag #HAKEBRITAINGREATAGAIN, the candidate has promised to wear a fish finger suit throughout the campaign and may even change his name by deed poll if he garners enough support.
Things appear to be going swimmingly (sorry) so far, with a poll on the vote4fishfinger.co.uk website giving him 94 per cent of the total vote.
Though undoubtedly something of a long-shot, Farron’s recent woes may leave voters with some food for thought.
The Lib Dem leader has been under fire for failing to answer the question of whether he felt gay marriage was a sin. Though Farron did eventually get round to answering the question, the delay has left many wondering whether he is the right choice for the party and the public.
That could open up the possibility of voters backing Mr Fish Finger as a form of protest. In an era when the likes of Donald Trump, Boris Johnson and Nigel Farage hold political sway, anything is possible.
Loaded staff writer Jack Beresford has produced content for Lad Bible, Axonn Media and a variety of online sports and news media outlets.