Things You Should Never Google, So We Did It For You

Our Eyes

If Google existed when Forrest Gump was around, he probably would have said it was like a box of chocolates, you never know what you’re gunna get, Jeh-nie. (Had to add that in, sorry)

If Google has a therapist, they must be a millionaire. We could go on. But seriously, our access to anything and everything is pretty disconcerting to say the least, here at loaded we want you to sleep well tonight so we’ve taken one for the team and found ten things you should never google.

We’ve tempered it with pictures of puppies to ease the trauma.

1

Clock Spider

 17-puppies-who-are-so-cute-they-will-make-you-mad-2-30501-1424359138-6_dblbig       

Basically it involves a massive spider that someone found in a family member’s house and it was the size of a very large clock. There are pictures. It resembles a wolf spider which is also petrifying. 

 

2

Soggy Biscuit

Golden Cocker Spaniel puppies

Soggy biscuit (also called limp biscuit, crispy cookie, or ookie cookie) is a masturbation game played mostly by teenage groups in which the participants stand around a biscuit masturbating until ejaculating onto it; the last person to do so must eat the biscuit.

 

3

Blue Waffle 

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A stupid hoax involving lady bits. Oh god, our eyes. 

 

4

Skin Condition

impossibly-cute-puppy-15

Obviously you shouldn’t google anything medical, all roads lead to cancer. 

 

5

Crabs The STD

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Bugs on your Hoo Ha, no thank you!

 

6

Tub Girl

uber-puppies

WHAT THE F****ING F****?

 

7

Pain Olympics

Yellow Labrador Retriever puppies, 9 weeks old, play-fighting

Don’t watch it. Don’t.

8

Circle jerk

impossibly-cute-puppy-30

Similar to soggy biscuit, why do people enjoy this?

 

9

Trypophobia

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Fear of holes, all holes. 

 

10

Lamprey Eel 

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If a demon succubus had a gold fish, it would look like this. 

We’re sorry. 

 

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Loaded staff writer Danielle De La Bastide has lived all over the planet and written for BuzzFeed, Thought Catalog as well as print publications throughout the Caribbean.