These 7 London Sex Clubs Range From Filthy Rich To Plain Filthy

A raunchy night out for all walks of life

Eyes Wide Shut Image Warner Bros.

Sex Clubs in London are pretty mysterious and quite the mixed bag.

There are over 27 in Westminster alone and they range from the Eyes Wide Shut variety to the ‘you’ll want to keep your eyes shut.’ The Shoreditch Triangle has become quite the hotspot for those looking for a little flesh entertainment. Not surprisingly, its a stone’s throw from the financial district.

We found a few around there and beyond that could either tickle your fancy, or give you a chuckle.

 


 

1

Killing Kittens

Uber Newsroom

This members-only establishment whose name comes from the slang for masturbation (every time you rub one out, God kills a kitten) was started by a good friend of the Duchess of Cambridge, Emma Sayles.

It’s a private sex club for the upper crust, with black-tie events that include burlesque dancing, hot women spitting fire and fucking on beanbags behind silk curtains. Sayles claims they turn over £35,000 a month, so she’s definitely onto something.

 

2

The Windmill

Windmill dancers during World War II

According to the Facebook page, their girls recently obtained new thigh high stockings. So that’s promising. This gents club is 80 years old and seems to be taking a page out of Moulin Rouge with the whole windmill scenario.

Nevertheless, The Windmill is a fully nude, historical funhouse and it’s pretty difficult to become a member. Your behaviour must be up to snuff or no naked ladies for you.

 

3

Sophisticats

What's On In London

A lap dancing club, which comes with a giant list of rules, it seems thirsty lads should just sit and shut up while dancers slink around the stage. No pictures, no touching, no funny business.

We suggest starting your night at Lady Dinah’s Cat Emporium then moving on to this venue for a day packed with puss.

 

4

Gaslight

gaslight club

The self-described most prestigious Gentlemen’s Club in London has been around since the second World War and features bilingual ladies dancing on tables for the patrons who pay a relatively reasonable member’s fee of £250 a year.

Pretty cheap for an evening of pole dancing and sophistication.

 

5

Torture Garden 

It is exactly what it sounds like, a BDSM haven in the middle of London where the dress code is latex, leather and lace. This fetish club is guaranteed to awaken your inner freak. 

 

6

Metropolis 

PINK London

You won’t find Clark Kent here. This ‘world famous’ strip club has a ‘Car Wash fantasy room’ and free entry before 9pm. I think that’s all we need to say about that. 

 

7

The Griffin

We saved the worst for last. This grim strip-pub is where one can snarf down a fish and chips all while ogling lady bits. The waitresses/dancers walk around in their underwear and pass a cup around to patrons expecting offerings of pound coins like a church collection. Then to the stage they go. 

 


Quite the selection for the next stag night. 

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Loaded staff writer Danielle De La Bastide has lived all over the planet and written for BuzzFeed, Thought Catalog as well as print publications throughout the Caribbean.