The Year’s 10 Best New Christmas Cracker Jokes Have Been Revealed

There are some absolute crackers (sorry) here and one that involves Theresa May.

Christmas cracker jokes.
Christmas cracker jokes.

Christmas cracker jokes are a time-honoured tradition and essential part of any festive celebration.

There’s nothing better than opening a cracker, donning one of those crap paper hat sinside and reeling off an absolute corker of a gag.

The key to a good Christmas joke is brevity – it’s got to be short, sharp and not too complicated for your audience.

No, there’s definitely a fine art to Christmas cracker jokes as UKTV channel Gold can attest.

They have just put together a list of the 10 best Christmas Cracker jokes, as submitted and voted by the British public.

Looking for a little bit of festive inspiration? The following 10 corkers should provide exactly that and cover everything from Jeremy Corbyn and Theresa May through to Ryan Air, Donald Trump and Kim Jung-un. Let’s have a gander…



Why did Jeremy Corbyn ask people not to eat sprouts on Christmas Day?

He wants to give peas a chance.


Labour leader Jeremy Corbyn 


What did Bruce Forsyth say when the Christmas pheasant repeated on him?

‘Good game, good game’.



Theresa May has asked Santa for a home makeover this year.

First thing on the list was a new Cabinet.



Which TV Christmas special is being filmed in Brussels this year?

Deal Or No Deal.





Why was the planned Ryanair TV documentary scrapped?

They were unable to air a pilot.



Why did Donald Trump continuously decorate the Christmas tree?

Because people kept saying ‘moron’ to him.


Donald Trump 


Kim Jong Un will play Santa this year in the South’s annual pantomime.

He said he fancied a Korea change.



What’s the difference between Ryanair and Santa?

Santa flies at least once a year.



Why don’t Southern Rail train guards share advent calendars?

They want to open the doors themselves.


Theresa May during the discussion.



Why was Theresa May sacked as nativity manager?

She couldn’t run a stable government


That last entry earned it’s creator, 35-year-old Samuel Williams from Kent, £1,500 towards a holiday along with a box of bespoke Gold Christmas Crackers, one of which contains his joke.

Bruce Dessau, a comedy critic and part of a panel of judges that helped put together a shortlist for the contest based on entries received via Twitter, said:

“In a world that seems to have turned upside down in recent years, there is something wonderfully reassuring about the fact that people have still retained their sense of humour and come up with some inspired gags for this year’s Gold Christmas Crackers competition.

“The subjects of the jokes that were entered reflects the issues that concern the country today: from Brexit and Donald Trump to Bruce Forsyth and Southern Rail, people have still been able to find the funny side.”

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