These Sex Positions Are Guaranteed To Break Your Penis

These positions need to be handled with care

penis
OW. Image 20th Century Fox

We’ve been through this before; you can break your penis and split in half from too much strain especially by using sex positions irresponsibly. 

It’s been done, whether intentionally or unintentionally. We recently stumbled upon a story about a poor bloke who was having a bit too much fun in the sack and bent his penis the wrong way round.

It resulted in an injury know as an eggplant deformity which makes your penis look like, well an eggplant. It’s exceedingly grim.

Based on that poor man’s experience we’ve found a few sex positions you should never attempt if breaking your situation is a worry. See below.


 

A Laundry Room Quickie

Anything involving sex with someone sitting on an appliance is not a good idea. According to Men’s Health – if your lady is sitting on a countertop or washing machine and you somehow miss the goal, colliding with a hard surface is the next choice, which could break your knob.

sex
Men's Journal

 

Cowgirl

While this is usually a very satisfying position, if your partner leans back too far or rides it a little too enthusiastically, the penis could catch onto the girl’s pubic bone and…snap. There’s a reason this has been hailed the most dangerous position ever.

sex in space
SyFy Image SyFy/ Netflix

Pearl Necklace

Though not a sex position, apparently if a man presses his penis too forcefully against the solidness of the woman’s sternum it can cause ligament damage. Ow. 

pearl necklace

The Wheelbarrow

Unless you have been doing yoga since birth, we don’t suggest you try this. Having to carry the weight of another body using your penis is never a good idea, plus the woman is balancing on her hands, one slip and it could cause serious injury.

sex
Women's Health

Missionary is probably your safest bet, though avoid jack rabbiting the hell out of your partner, your penis is your friend. Be nice to it. 

Previous Post
Next Post
Loaded staff writer Danielle De La Bastide has lived all over the planet and written for BuzzFeed, Thought Catalog as well as print publications throughout the Caribbean.