Shopping Mall Santas Reveal Weirdest Gifts They Have Ever Been Asked For

"A little boy sternly asked me for a mustache and his mom was puzzled."

A still from Bad Santa.

Christmas is fast upon us and it’s at times like this that we should spare a thought for those less fortunate than ourselves.

Take shopping mall Santas, for instance. Every year some unfortunate, under-paid, soul is forced to spend anywhere up to a month listening to random kids telling them what they want for Christmas.

It must get a bit much, even for the jolliest of St Nicks. They probably get the same repetitive requests for the latest must-have toy every year, right? Er, maybe not.

Because, as a Reddit thread inviting all the Santas of the world has revealed, some actually end up getting some pretty freaky requests. Here are just a few of the strangest.


9

Two Daddies

“One girl asked for her real daddy not to come back from deployment, because the one that stayed there while he was gone was a lot nicer.”

8

Tache Dreams

“I was Santa at my friends store a few years ago. A little boy sternly asked me for a mustache and his mom was puzzled.”

7

The Walking Dead

“When my Dad did his yearly santa gig (volunteering for yearly Christmas party), a kid asked for a Zombie apocalypse.”

6

Fire

“‘Fire’. I shit you not, the kid looked me right in the eyes and said ‘Fire’. When I joyfully asked, ‘What do you mean by that?’ He looked me dead in the eyes and said ‘I want Fire.’ Last I looked there is no game, or form of entertainment called Fire, and this kid looked like he could be the Antichrist.”

5

Suck Up

“My son has always asked for strange things .. one year he asked for a hand held vacuum. He was 5.”

4

Beat’em Up

“When I was about 15 I had to sub in for our church’s Santa because he was sick. First kid without missing a beat asked if I could get his daddy to stop beating him at Tekken for Christmas.”

3

Pungent

“When my son was 4 he asked Santa for Asparagus because it was his favourite food (I shit you not). He of course woke up on Christmas morning to a bundle of Asparagus wrapped in a bow (among his other gifts of course) I mean, what choice did we have? Ask and ye shall receive!”

2

Axe To Grind

“I wasn’t a santa, but when I worked on a Christmas tree farm a kid told me he wanted an axe for Christmas. I thought he was just bein a kid and saw the saws and stuff we had and was like ‘neat, things,’ so I was like ‘haha why would you want that’ and he was like ‘so I can kill my sister and get her presents.’ Kid was probably like 7″

1

What A Drip

“I don’t remember them asking anything weird or sad or anything, but I did have a kid pee on me once.”

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Loaded staff writer Jack Beresford has produced content for Lad Bible, Axonn Media and a variety of online sports and news media outlets.