Christmas is fast upon us and it’s at times like this that we should spare a thought for those less fortunate than ourselves.
Take shopping mall Santas, for instance. Every year some unfortunate, under-paid, soul is forced to spend anywhere up to a month listening to random kids telling them what they want for Christmas.
It must get a bit much, even for the jolliest of St Nicks. They probably get the same repetitive requests for the latest must-have toy every year, right? Er, maybe not.
Because, as a Reddit thread inviting all the Santas of the world has revealed, some actually end up getting some pretty freaky requests. Here are just a few of the strangest.
“One girl asked for her real daddy not to come back from deployment, because the one that stayed there while he was gone was a lot nicer.”
“I was Santa at my friends store a few years ago. A little boy sternly asked me for a mustache and his mom was puzzled.”
The Walking Dead
“When my Dad did his yearly santa gig (volunteering for yearly Christmas party), a kid asked for a Zombie apocalypse.”
“‘Fire’. I shit you not, the kid looked me right in the eyes and said ‘Fire’. When I joyfully asked, ‘What do you mean by that?’ He looked me dead in the eyes and said ‘I want Fire.’ Last I looked there is no game, or form of entertainment called Fire, and this kid looked like he could be the Antichrist.”
“My son has always asked for strange things .. one year he asked for a hand held vacuum. He was 5.”
“When I was about 15 I had to sub in for our church’s Santa because he was sick. First kid without missing a beat asked if I could get his daddy to stop beating him at Tekken for Christmas.”
“When my son was 4 he asked Santa for Asparagus because it was his favourite food (I shit you not). He of course woke up on Christmas morning to a bundle of Asparagus wrapped in a bow (among his other gifts of course) I mean, what choice did we have? Ask and ye shall receive!”
Axe To Grind
“I wasn’t a santa, but when I worked on a Christmas tree farm a kid told me he wanted an axe for Christmas. I thought he was just bein a kid and saw the saws and stuff we had and was like ‘neat, things,’ so I was like ‘haha why would you want that’ and he was like ‘so I can kill my sister and get her presents.’ Kid was probably like 7″
What A Drip
“I don’t remember them asking anything weird or sad or anything, but I did have a kid pee on me once.”
Loaded staff writer Jack Beresford has produced content for Lad Bible, Axonn Media and a variety of online sports and news media outlets.