Australian Police hunting thief who stole penis pump from sex shop

Call us crazy, but something tells us this guy won’t be coming forward any time soon.

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Porn Back in the old days of DVD. Image Photo Sean Gallup/Getty Images

The hunt is underway for a rogue sex shop thief who escaped with a $60 penis pump and his dignity, just about, intact.

The incident took place at a specialist sex toys store located in the Victoria region of Australia around two months ago.

In a bid to track down the penis pump pilferer, police have released an image of the alleged thief, who, rather unsurprisingly, wore a baseball cap to cover his face.

Something tells us he was a tad embarrassed by the incident, though it could have been a lot worse – he could have been caught.

According to The Age, the man entered the shop looking shady to say the least.

When a sales assistant asked him if he needed any help – which must have been awkward – he replied that he was merely “browsing”.

Police suspect in penis pump theft.
Have you seen this man? He may have stolen a penis pump. Image Victoria Police

Moments later, however, the shop’s security alarm went off.

On closer inspection, the shop assistant found an empty box for the aforementioned penis pump, which means just one thing: this man is currently operating a penis pump without the necessary instructions.

For all we know he may have already suffered some kind of embarrassing penis inflation related injury already. That, or he’s overused it and is currently struggling to get out of the door of his house or even move for that matter.

Just kidding: everyone knows penis pumps don’t actually work.

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Loaded staff writer Jack Beresford has produced content for Lad Bible, Axonn Media and a variety of online sports and news media outlets.