Penis ends Japanese pole vaulter’s Olympic hopes

Hiroki Ogita came to the end of the line in Rio. The bell end to be precise.

The Rio Olympics
Where the magic happens. Including penis pole vault disappointments.

When Hiroki Ogita’s grandchildren one day ask what prevented him from claiming an Olympic medal during his days as an athlete, their question could well be met with an awkward silence.

Because how on earth do you even begin to explain to your nearest and dearest that your dreams of sporting glory were crushed as a direct result of your dick.

Unfortunately, that is the situation Ogita faced after his penis prevented the pole vaulter from clearing the bar at 5.3 metres.

Worse still, he was so close to clearing it too.

Having leaped into the air with all the grace of salmon, Ogita thought he had avoided elimination after his thigh clipped the bar yet it remained in place.

His joy was short-lived though, with his rather large penis clipping the bar, sending his Olympic dreams crashing to the ground in the process.

 

In some kind of perverse way, Ogita was left in a difficult situation.

Had he, for example, decided to cheat by taking steroids then he would most likely have made the jump not just because of the added strength and speed but because the illegal drugs would have most likely shrunk his junk to the size of some dry roasted peanuts.

But he decided to stay clean and the result was a 21st-place finish.

Deep down though, he must know he did the right thing and his penis would probably thank him for it. If penises could talk. Insert your own Greg Rutherford joke here.

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Loaded staff writer Jack Beresford has produced content for Lad Bible, Axonn Media and a variety of online sports and news media outlets.