7 Things Pamela Anderson’s Barb Wire Got Completely Wrong About 2017

The Baywatch star’s magnum opus was wide of the mark with several key predictions.

Barb Wire starring Pamela Anderson
Pamela Anderson in her prime Barb Wire really is so bad it's good Image Polygram

Back in 1996 Pamela Anderson made her blockbuster debut in Dark Horse comic book adaptation Barb Wire.

Set in the far off year of 2017, the movie made some pretty bold predictions about the way we would all be living by then and, 21 years later, loaded is looking back at just how bang on those projections ended up being.

The short answer is not very bang on at all…


1

The US Is Embroiled In Another Civil War

Donald Trump may yet prove us wrong on this one, but he’s still got to go a long way to stir up the vertible shit storm Pammy finds herself in in Barb Wire.

Somehow by 2017 America has got itself embroiled in the “Second American Civil War” where the last remaining “free city” is a place called Steel Harbour which, quite frankly, sounds more like a retail outlet village than a city.

2

Mercenaries and Bounty Hunters Are Common Place

Pamela Anderson in Barbwire 

Never fear though, because the streets appear to be mostly run by a variety of gun-toting mercanaries, Pammy included, who spend their days rounding up rather innocent looking folk who happen to have racked up a few debts in their time. How lovely.

Again, this is a prediction that could come to pass in Trump’s America, though it’s not quite arrived in the way Anderson and Co. bring it to life here. No one is going to be blowing through a wall of your flat and putting a gun to your head just yet.

3

Guard Dogs Are Trained To Bite Blokes In The Bollocks

Dogs are incredibly intelligent creatures capable of any number of things. But that doesn’t necessarily mean they can pull of the kind of tricks Pammy’s Barb puts them to work doing in 2017.

Take her beloved Rottweiler, who she has trained to attack men in the one place it hurts – their nuts. But this dog doesn’t bite down, chew or even shake his victim’s tackle from side to side. He just keeps it in his mouth, awaiting Pammy’s command.

No amount of dog training workshops or trips to Crufts could get this particular breed to do that.

4

The Nazis Have Somehow Made A Comeback

Now, don’t ask us how, but it would appear that the Nazis have somehow managed to get back up and running in Barb Wire’s version of 2017.

And before you start making comparisons between white supremacists and this movie’s bunch of daft racists, it’s worth pointing out that these guys are full-blown Nazis, completely with Third Reich-inspired outfits and all that jazz.

Yes, yes, we know Trump is bad but even this is a long shot.

5

There’s Computer Technology That Can Read Our Thoughts…And Our Boobs

You would think that a computer system capable of reading people’s thoughts would ensure 2017 is a largely peaceful time with the police able to catch the bad guys each and every time. But you would be wrong.

Somehow, this technology has instead landed in the laps of those Neo Nazi types and they appear to be using it for torture and something involving boobs. Can you read thoughts through boobs? That would certainly appear to be the case…

6

Forget Passports, In 2017 It’s All About Contact Lenses

In the 2017 of Barb Wire, passports are largely unheard of, with most people fighting it out for a series of precious contact lenses, capable of granting the wearer access to places like Canada and, er, Canada (more on that later).

7

The world belongs to morbidly obese gangsters that live in junkyards

In a world populated by Nazi types, it’s reassuring to know that it’s not all doom and gloom for everyone.

Take Big Fatso, for instance, the self appointed king of the underworld who happily spends his days being verbally abused by blonde bounty hunters while being transported around a scrapyard in the front trough of a giant digger containing several pillows and as much chicken as he can eat.

And the one thing they got right….

1

Everyone Wants To Move To Canada

Canada is a veritable paradise compared to America. No change there then…

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Loaded staff writer Jack Beresford has produced content for Lad Bible, Axonn Media and a variety of online sports and news media outlets.