What life would be like for Owen Smith if he did have a 29-inch penis

The Labour leadership candidate has denied the claims of some on social media.

Owen Smith of the Labour Party.Image Press Association

Owen Smith has gone to extreme, ahem, lengths to deny making a joke about having a 29-inch penis and rightly so, because there is nothing funny about having a 29-inch penis.

The story goes that the Labour leadership candidate decided to crack a joke during a rally in Hull that was misinterpreted as a comment about his member.

Asked by an audience member if they could put a personal question to him Smith, according to social media, gestured to his groin and replied “29 inches…inner leg measurement of course.”

His backers have since responded, claiming the comments have been grossly misinterpreted and were, in fact, a gag around the fact he’s not very tall.

And thank goodness it was, because the prospect of Smith having anything close to a 29-inch member goes against science and perhaps even humanity as we know it.

Because, if true, it would mean the Labour hopeful has a penis that is 10 inches longer than that of the current “world record holder” in that department – and it’s fair to say he’s had a miserable time in life, thanks in no small part to his dick.

Warning: The video below is definitely NSFW.

For well over 50 years, Roberto Esquivel Cabrera has lived with a 19-inch penis and its destroyed his life in any number of ways.

Speaking in an interview with Mexican newspaper Vanguardia back in the summer of 2015, the Saltillo resident revealed the misery his member has caused.

Measuring 48.2 centimetres long, with a tip circumference of 25 centimetres or 10 inches, Cabrera explained how his giant penis has prevented him from finding regular work while women are also too scared to be with him.

There are also the rather obvious issues having an erection cause e.g. blood flow, the inability to walk in any normal pair of trousers etc.

As if that was not enough, Cabrera has also been given the cold shoulder by Guinness World Records who have yet to official recognise the world’s largest penis, the fools.

So regardless of whether Smith did or didn’t make the joke – probably not – he should probably be thankful he doesn’t have a 29-inch penis. It doesn’t sound like a lot of fun.

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Loaded staff writer Jack Beresford has produced content for Lad Bible, Axonn Media and a variety of online sports and news media outlets.