Sex doesn’t always go smoothly – that’s just a fact of life.
Unfortunately, there are plenty of ways things can get awkward in the bedroom, and dirty talk is nearly always the main offender…
In fact, bad dirty talk can pretty much kill the mood in any situation, and older women on Mumsnet have been proving as much by revealing the strangest things guys have ever said to them during sex.
The results are… well, as weird as you’d expect. See some of the more hilarious and bizarre entries below.
User ForTheFordType had a LOT of weird examples to offer, writing: “I’ve got one guy who exclaims ‘Holy macaroni!’ at the point of orgasm.
“Another one who said very formally ‘Thank you’ before dismounting.
“A very posh ex-public schoolboy who declaimed “Here it comes. HERE. IT. COMES!” in cut glass tones, as he ejaculated.”
VoyageofDad on the other hand wrote: “I knew a guy who used call out random bits of kitchenware. ‘Kenwood mixer’. ‘Ceramic hob’ etc.”
Another also shared one pretty horrifying comment, saying: “I overheard my uni housemate cry ‘smash my pasty’ when she was having sex. “I’ve never been able to go into Greggs without thinking of it!”
It’s not just guys who come out with weird stuff either. Saleorbouy wrote: “After a friend took back a girl from the club they ended up in the bedroom. Naked on all fours on the bed she turned to say ‘None of yer fancy stuff, just horse it into me!’”
Charming… and they say romance is dead.