Like a womanly equivalent of the Pyramids, Suzy Cortez – aka Miss Bum Bum – continues to defy physics, thanks in no small part to her famous posterior.
But the mystery of Miss Bum Bum extends far beyond her ample assets.
Seemingly an avid football fan, if her social media output is any indication, exactly whom the Brazilian model actually supports remains something of a mystery.
A few days ago, she appeared to have sworn her allegiance for Lionel Messi and Barcelona after picturing herself wearing nothing but a Barca top and a strategically-positioned football.
It was an image deemed naughty enough to have a certain Mrs Messi block Bum Bum on Instagram.
However, that’s only the start of the mystery.
For one thing, the Columbo in us can’t help but question why a Brazilian would show quite so much support for an Argentine, given the intense footballing rivalry between the two nations.
And then there’s Cristiano Ronaldo.
Shiny, brown and intensely muscular, Cristiano Ronaldo.
Miss Bum Bum appeared to show her support for not only CR7 but the Portugal national team as a whole after previously posing in a shirt while showing off her popular posterior.
But, hang on a second, before that Miss Bum Bum was busy showing off yet another Barcelona shirt alongside…yep, you guessed it, her borderline-iconic arse.
This was a particular highlight from her vast Barcelona collection, with Miss Bum Bum posing for what could be termed as the world’s most erotic wedgie.
But, hold up. Here’s another steamy shot of Miss Bum Bum seemingly pledging her allegiance to Brazilian side Sao Paulo.
And that’s before we even get to the picture of Miss Bum Bum in what appears to be a Russia national team jersey – trying to win a few extra fans ahead of the World Cup, eh?
Maybe she’s just the world’s worst football fan, a globetrotting glory hunter happy to adopt any team’s colours if it gives her an excuse to showcase her ample assets.
Then again, maybe she just really loves Barcelona – after all, Bum Bum did go and paint the Barca kit on her bare chest in one particularly risque social media post.
Maybe it’s time Miss Bum Bum started backing England. Roy Hodgson’s team needs all the help it can get.
At the moment, though, she’s just really, really looking forward to the Olympics in Rio.
Never change, Miss Bum Bum, never change.
Loaded staff writer Jack Beresford has produced content for Lad Bible, Axonn Media and a variety of online sports and news media outlets.