These Louis C.K. Masturbation Jokes Now Make For Uncomfortable Viewing

The comedian’s work must be viewed differently after allegations of sexual misconduct.

Comedian Louis C.K.
Louis C.K. and masturbation. The comedian has made masturbation jokes the cornerstone of his routines. Image Getty

Louis C.K. has never shied away from controversial or sexually explicit topics when it comes to his comedy and that includes masturbation.

If you sit back and think about C.K.’s stand-up work or even his hit series Louie, you’ll probably recall a masturbation reference at some point. In fact, as painful as it is to say now, masturbation has kind of became a calling card for the comedian, who was known for performing that now-familiar jerking-off motion during a live set. Those performances have taken on a different edge now.

A report from the New York Times details five different accounts from women who claim C.K. masturbated in front of them without their consent. Rumours have been doing the rounds since 2012 but have never properly addressed in the media until now. And the grim reality of the situation is that suddenly the many, many masturbation jokes C.K. has told down the years now feel like the comedian flaunting his alleged behaviour in plain sight.

It feels arrogant and a power play on the part of the performer, seemingly robbing his victims of their right to feel abused by his actions. By normalising it, C.K. is casting himself in the role of ordinary joe, rather than something far more sinister.

If he had made one or two jokes here or there, his defenders could argue the gags were being taken out of context. The problem is there are simply so many – Death and Taxes previously put together a super cut of all the references and it ran to 27 minutes. These jokes now need to be revisited, if just to simply highlight how serious a problem this has become and how blind we all we to it.


Louis C.K. on his “constant, perverted, sexual thoughts”

“Some things I’m sick of, like the constant, perverted, sexual thoughts. I’m so tired of those [grunts sexual words]. It makes me into an idiot. Jacking off to morons like, ‘Ooh, look at my tits!’Yeah, your tits are awesome. It’s a dumb part of life that I’m sick of. It’s all day, too. You can’t have a day. I just want to be a person, in clothes, walking in a store. I just want to go to a library and ask for, ‘Hi ma’am I’m looking for a book about early Abraham Lincoln and—[mimics jacking off] wish I could wrap your hair around my dick.’ Aw, shit! I’m trying to talk to her! That’s a male problem. It’s really a male problem — not being able to control their constant sexual impulses. Women try to compete… [But] you’re a tourist in sexual perversion. I’m a prisoner there.”


Louis C.K. on why “coming is a need”

“I need to come, I need to — coming is a need, I came the first time when I was 12 and I haven’t skipped a day. I come every day and I fucked maybe 20 times in my life, so. It’s just been me doing most of the work and I really — you know, I jerk off way too much and it upsets me and I don’t know why. Maybe cause it’s so selfish, I don’t know what it is, but I know it’s bad, I know I’m hurting somebody somewhere.” 


Louis C.K. says we “have to jack off to everything”

“This country’s pretty perverted. We have to jack off to everything. … Sex is in everything. You watch the news and there’s like a woman telling you, like, ‘Ohh and in Libya’ — and I’m like, ‘Yeah well tell me about Libya [mimics masturbating furiously]. Tell me about Libya. Say Libya again, come on.’ I’m fucking right up to my screen, my flat screen. ‘Come on, say Libya again.’ [Grunts.] It should just be a person, in Libya. Why does it all have to be so sexualised?” 


Louis C.K. on jerking off to “beautiful women” he sees

“Now when I see a beautiful girl walking down the street, I’m like, ‘Hey, fuck you, I don’t give a shit.’ — ew. Go fuck somebody else, I’ll jerk off to you later, probably have a better time. Not like she would’ve fucked the shit out of me anyway, you know, like she would’ve given me her best. I never really got the best out of a beautiful woman.”


Louis C.K. telling a woman he’s going to masturbate over her later

“Well, I like it. It’s easy, and it’s fun, and no one gets hurt … [Later in the interview] It keeps me sane. I’m a good citizen, a good father, I recycle, and I masturbate. And I’m proud of it. And god’s happy. And later, I’m going to masturbate and think about you. And there’s nothing you can do about it.”

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