Labyrinth Is Actually WAY Worse Than You Remember

The reboot can't be any worse than the original...

David Bowie in Labyrinth
David Bowie in Labyrinth Labyrinth Image Columbia/Tri-Star

As you all probably know, Hollywood at the minute is full of reboots, remakes, rehashes… whatever you want to call them, and it’s a real problem.

The Ghostbusters reboot was very poorly received last year, and we’re not holding our breath for the new Jumanji movie either.

Things are only going to get worse, with over a hundred movie reboots and remakes in the works… including Labyrinth.

It was recently announced that director Fede Alvaraz is on board to helm a new remake of cult 1986 musical, and a LOT of people are unhappy about it.

Plenty of people are concerned that the movie could damage the reputation of the original movie, a one-of-a-kind kids film fondly remembered by fans everywhere.

However, here at loaded, we don’t think the legacy of the original is in jeopardy, because… well, it was pretty terrible to begin with.

It’s remembered as a cult classic by many, but in fact, there were plenty of problems with the film.

It’s a kid’s movie, but the whole plot of the film is actually creepy as hell: Bowie’s Goblin King kidnapped an infant child, and also fancies the teenage Jennifer Connolly who attempts to rescue him…

It’s also true that the enjoyable Magic Dance aside, the soundtrack was actually very forgettable. Think about it – can you name a single other song from the film? Not great for a musical…

Of course, it seems distasteful to knock anything by the late, great David Bowie following his tragic death last year.

Bowie is of course immensely watchable throughout the movie, but it’s by far his weakest screen outing. After all, he’s a revelation in the genuinely creepy Man Who Fell To Earth, and he also makes some brilliant cameos in the likes of The Prestige, Twin Peaks: Fire Walk With Me and Zoolander.

David Bowie in Labyrinth
David Bowie in Labyrinth The cult classic

Labyrinth pales in comparison to pretty much everything he put his name to during an incredible music and film career (and yes, we are including his 90s drum and bass phase in that).

So, we don’t think fans shouldn’t be worried about the remake. We agree that it’s completely pointless to make a new version of Labyrinth, but it can’t be much worse than the original…

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Loaded staff writer Harry Fletcher has covered news, sport and entertainment for several major websites across the UK. Follow him on Twitter at @Harry__Fletcher.