The 11 most controversial jokes Jimmy Carr has ever told

"No matter how much you give a homeless person for tea... you never get that tea."

Jimmy Carr Netflix
Comedy King Jimmy Carr just loves doing stand-up. Image Picture Netflix

Jimmy Carr is a comedian who knows how to shock.

The stand up star and 8 Out of 10 Cats host doesn’t hold back when it comes to delivering his one-liners. This weekend saw him cause outrage after a quip about 9/11 at the Rob Lowe Comedy Roast was broadcast on the 15th anniversary of the terrorist attacks.

This isn’t the first time Carr has caused fury. As a stand up nothing is off limits and taboos are there to be shattered. The comic, who turns 44 today (September 15), has tackled everything from religion to gun control and the homeless.

Here are 11 of Jimmy Carr’s most jaw-droppingly offensive gags. You’ve been warned, these aren’t for the fainthearted…


1

Asked to tell the most offensive joke he knows…

“If only Africa had more mosquito nets, then every year we could save millions of mosquitoes dying needlessly of AIDS.”

2

On a fellow comic’s dad who died on 9/11…

“I’m appalled that people would come here and make jokes about the sacrifice Pete’s heroic father made on 9/11 “This is not the roast of Pete Davidson’s father. That was in 2001.”

3

On queuing for the bathroom…

“So frustrating. All I’m saying is I can see it from Oscar Pistorius’ point of view. “That’s not the controversial bit. Here it comes… I blame her. If she hadn’t been in that disabled toilet none of this would have happened.”

4

On the high number of amputee war veterans in 2009…

“We are going to have a f*cking good Paralympic team in 2012.”

5

On religion…

“Why would you become an Islamic fundamentalist suicide bomber on the off-chance you might get 72 virgins when you die… become a Catholic priest and have them now!”

Jimmy Carr Netflix
On-stage Jimmy Carr performing during his Netflix special. Image Picture Netflix

6

On that old saying…

“They say there’s safety in numbers. Yeah? Well tell that to six million Jews.”

7

On abortion…

“Doesn’t cost anything to fall down the stairs does it? Some of these girls I swear think I’m made of coat hangers.”

8

On water shortage…

“I saw a charity appeal in the Guardian the other day, and it read ‘Little Zuki has to walk 13 miles a day just to fetch water’. I couldn’t help thinking, she should move.”

9

On war…

“I’m not worried about the Third World War. That’s the Third World’s Problem.”

10

On the homeless…

“No matter how much you give a homeless person for tea… you never get that tea.”

11

On America’s gun control problems…

“You know why so many American kids die in high school massacres? It’s because they aren’t allowed to run in the corridors.”

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Loaded digital media manager Simon Reynolds has written about film and entertainment for various leading websites since 2008. Follow Simon at @simonreyn