The first trailer for Jurassic World 2 has arrived with Jeff Goldblum back as Dr. Ian Malcolm – but don’t get too excited.
It looks like Malcolm is going to be side-lined away from the main action of the movie, with his appearance in the trailer amounting to little more than a cameo in a court scene where he’s asked to give evidence on dinosaurs, or something like that.
Perhaps, the biggest kick in the triceratops to come out of the new trailer is that the plot to the film is thoroughly underwhelming and like a massive retread of everything we have seen before.
The official synopsis reads as follows:
“It’s been four years since theme park and luxury resort Jurassic World was destroyed by dinosaurs out of containment. Isla Nublar now sits abandoned by humans while the surviving dinosaurs fend for themselves in the jungles.
“When the island’s dormant volcano begins roaring to life, Owen (Chris Pratt) and Claire (Bryce Dallas Howard) mount a campaign to rescue the remaining dinosaurs from this extinction-level event. Owen is driven to find Blue, his lead raptor who’s still missing in the wild, and Claire has grown a respect for these creatures she now makes her mission. Arriving on the unstable island as lava begins raining down, their expedition uncovers a conspiracy that could return our entire planet to a perilous order not seen since prehistoric times.”
Wow. That sounds a lot like The Lost World. Almost exactly the same, in fact, save for a few extremely dumb additions.
Like: why did they build Jurassic World on an island containing a dormant volcano in the first place? Why does Owen think a raptor would remember who he was rather than rip his face off on first sight? Why are the people behind the Jurassic World films so obsessed with making the dinosaurs seem like the good guys?
Also, is the “conspiracy” they uncover just the same one they uncover in pretty much every Jurassic Park/Jurassic World movie? i.e. Someone wants to take the dinosaurs off the island and breed them in the real world? Unless they are planning on making dinosaur soldiers again, which is equally dumb and really nothing new at all.
Also, why not just leave the dinosaurs to die on the island? Where are they planning on housing them next? And for how long? Surely that’s just as cruel and, as Jurassic World showed us, it’s pretty difficult to contain them in the first place.
“Save the dinosaurs from an island that is about to explode,” Pratt quips at one point “what could go wrong?
Along the way the trailer treats us to a couple of tired retreads too, like Owen doing that weird petting/taming thing with a rapter and a T-Rex coming to the humans’ rescue, rather than eating them up in a heartbeat.
“These creatures were here before us and if we’re not careful they are going to be here after,” Goldblum warns over footage of the ensuing chaos.
Jurassic World 2 could yet prove us wrong. It could be wholly different to the first instalment and maybe even a little bit scary. But this trailer isn’t. Here’s hoping “life finds a way” to ensure this film doesn’t suck.
Loaded staff writer Jack Beresford has produced content for Lad Bible, Axonn Media and a variety of online sports and news media outlets.