Instaporn

Our body language expert digs into the premeditation behind Instagram’s softcore galleries.

Amber Rose in a classic click-baiting Instaporn pose
Breaking the Internet Amber Rose needs a bigger pool. Image Picture Instaporn

Instagram was dubbed Instaporn a few years ago when users bypassed its nudity rules and posted naughty snaps with the use of pornography hashtags.

It created an Insta-underbelly where tens of thousands of amateur porn pics festered under tags such as ‘sextagram’ or ‘Instasex’.

But why search for amateur bedroom porn on Instagram? Go elsewhere for greasy genitals. If it’s well-produced, safe-for-work titillation you’re after, you’re better off using Instagram to ogle its celebrity accounts.

The softcore accounts of the likes of Rihanna have turned into Instagram’s biggest asset. The galleries of the world’s most beautiful women are presented on as grand, glossy and airbrushed scale as the pages of pricey Mario Testino photography books.

We gave media coach and body language expert Alan Stevens the arduous task of analysing the Insta(soft)porn accounts of its seven finest celebrity manipulators.

 


 

1

Emily Ratajkowski

LA 🍒

A photo posted by Emily Ratajkowski (@emrata) on

With more than three million followers and pictures that average 200,000 shares each, it could be argued Ratajkowksi would be a shadow of herself sans Instagram. Asked why she poses nearly-nude so much she has said, “Some of it is when I’m promoting a film, the more the merrier. People love to see what I’m wearing and get a sense of my life.”

Alan Stevens says, “This is a perfect ‘posed casual’ shot by the hotel pool, with the hair tousled, strong eye contact and soft drink in hand. There’s no suggestion she’s about to dive in for a swim. It’s essentially an old-fashioned glamour shot with a couple of conflicting messages – ‘Look, I relax by a pool just like you’, and, ‘Look at me, I’m not like you at all’.”

2

Rihanna

A photo posted by badgalriri (@badgalriri) on

With almost 27 million Instafans, the snaps on Rihanna’s ‘badgirlriri’ account have become ubiquitous – reprinted daily online and in papers and magazines. Here’s the badgirl Bajan catching up with her ironing… wearing a carnival head-dress.

Stevens says, “Apparently, Rihanna’s in her dressing room before a show, making sure there are no creases in her outfit. But she looks as though she’s never handled an iron in her life. It’s another, ‘I’m just like you – but not really’ snap.”

3

Aubrey O’Day

morning. cereal and…

A photo posted by Aubrey O'Day (@aubreyoday) on

No-one gave much of a stuff about singer Aubrey O’Day’s band Dumblonde until she decided to share breakfast outfits like this. What a rum place to put one’s Cheerios. Snaps such as these have helped the 31-year-old American gain an army of followers. But the comments beside this snap aren’t very complimentary. One reads, ‘She’s a blatant fuck monkey with no pride. That’s not milk; it’s jizz from her flute.’

Stevens says, “Aubrey is no stranger to the spicy Instagram shot. This is absolutely par for the course for her. It’s not particularly shocking, but contains a lot of suggestion. She wants to be sexy without being too controversial. It’s not exactly a picture for the parents’ sideboard, but it’s safe enough for her band’s potential young fans to see.”

4

Kim Kardashian

🍼🍼

A photo posted by Kim Kardashian West (@kimkardashian) on

 

First they said I'm too skinny so I have to be faking it…Now they say I'm too big so I have to be faking it…SMH! Some days I'm photographed before I eat & look smaller, some days I've just eaten & I look bigger. It's all a part of the process. I think you all know me well enough to know I would document the process if I got a surrogate. Everyone's body is different, every pregnancy is very different! I've learned to love my body at every stage! I'm going to get even bigger & that's beautiful too! I'm blessed to even be pregnant & even luckier to not have preeclampsia as far as I know, so I don't have the swelling issue this time! They also say your body carries a boy different than a girl! Whatever the case may be I'm grateful to God for this miracle & no matter what rumors or comments you throw my way this time they truly don't affect me! #NoFilter #NoPhotoShop #GoodLighting 😜

A photo posted by Kim Kardashian West (@kimkardashian) on

Kim Kardashian’s entire life has obviously been spent in front of cameras. The second shot here is designed to prove she was pregnant, in the tradition of Demi Moore’s 1991 Vanity Fair cover.

Stevens says, “Kim is one of the most experienced self-publicists in the world. Everything is part of her masterplan. She reveals only what she wants to reveal, and is never off guard. Her fans love her for it, although she is a brilliant manipulator of image.”

5

Miley Cyrus

When you're trying to hump Jared Leto but he is just innocently telling you a secret

A photo posted by Miley Cyrus (@mileycyrus) on

She said cheerio to clothes some years back and here, Cyrus dresses in a plastic bag covered in giant Smarties.

Stevens says, “In 10 years’ time, I suspect Miley will look back at her Instagram feed with acute embarrassment. There seem to be few limits to Ms Cyrus’ activities, though she’s still promoting a bad girl image without really being that bad, at least in her pictures. I feel sorry for her designers when she says, ‘I want to look like a Japanese tourist in a plastic mac who’s been attacked by giant Smarties’.”

6

Kendall Jenner

weekend vibes #KyliesTurning18ImScared

A photo posted by Kendall Jenner (@kendalljenner) on

Jenner is the youngster with more than 37 million followers on Instagram whose pictures regularly get shared more than 1 million times. Here she displays a typical hazard: losing something under the front seat of the car.

Stevens says, “This is an artfully posed and edited shot which is perhaps best described as ‘elegant soft porn’. Kendall’s entire Instagram feed is carefully planned and controlled. None of it is accidental. It’s a fascinating paradox of appearing to reveal her true nature, while hiding it behind a carefully constructed façade. This shot, as ‘dark side’ as it first appears, is typical of Kendall’s page and the pages of many of the girls her age.”

7

Amber Rose

Loving my new swimsuit from @nakedwardrobe #Milfin 😍

A photo posted by Amber Rose (@amberrose) on

Here, Amber Rose gamely ponders how to squeeze her biggest asset into a swimming pool.

Stevens says, “This is pure, artfully crafted PR. Not only that, Amber is probably using it to boost sales of the swimsuit she’s wearing. This is as far from a snapshot as it gets. I detect the strong hand of an art director hard at work – even the chairs beside the pool are carefully lined up.”

Alan Stevens can be found at mediacoach.co.uk.

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Loaded freelance reporter Ian Wade writes about music and TV for newspapers and websites. He is also a music publicist. Follow him on Twitter at @WadeyWade

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