Home Alone is the greatest Christmas movie of them all.
Rocky IV and Die Hard might run it pretty close but for pure festive cheer and genuine moments of slapstick hilarity it has to be Macaulay Culkin’s magnum opus.
Essentially a live action version of Tom and Jerry, with a layer of smaltz added on top for good measure, much of the enjoyment and mirth stems from the various traps Culkin’s character Kevin sets for bumbling burglars Harry and Marv (Joe Pesci and Daniel Stern).
These are some pretty horrific traps too, traps that end with people getting hot irons to the face, blow torches to the head and a giant toolbox on wheels to the gut.
It’s a similar story with Home Alone 2: Lost In New York, a similarly enjoyable sequel that follows the blueprint set out in the first movie. The violence is just as big, just as painful and just as hilarious.
But have you ever wondered what some of these crazy traps would have ended up doing to someone in real life? The guys behind the BitMassive YouTube channel have.
In fact, they went and created five memorable clips chronicling five of the most famous traps from the first two films and the bloody damage they would leave behind.
**WARNING: GRAPHIC DEPICTIONS OF CARTOON-ESQUE MOVIE VIOLENCE FOLLOW**
Like the moment when Harry and Marv get a giant pipe to the face…
Or the moment Old Man Marley delivers a giant shovel to the faces of both Harry and Marv…
How about the memorable scene from Home Alone 2 where Marv gets several bricks to the face?
There’s also the bit in Home Alone 2 when Kevin throws a grenade through the toy shop window – wait, we don’t remember it happening quite like that…
Then there’s Home Alone 2’s memorable bird attack which is…just horrific
So yeah, in conclusion, it turns out that Harry and Marv would have died multiple times throughout the course of Home Alone and Home Alone 2: Lost In New York. Hardly a massive surprise but those clips are still pretty heavy going.
Here’s another video that’s bound to cheer you up though – a version of Home Alone edited to that Joe Pesci’s Harry actually swears rather than doing that weird cartoon, PG-13 muttering he did in the actual film.
Merry Christmas, ya filthy animals! And a happy New Year!
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Loaded staff writer Jack Beresford has produced content for Lad Bible, Axonn Media and a variety of online sports and news media outlets.