Macaulay Culkin is looking better than ever these days and loaded thinks it’s high time he considered signing up for the mother of all Home Alone sequels.
The 36-year-old actor, who made his name as a child star in the slapstick home invasion comedy franchise, was pictured with a new, shorter hairstyle. It prompted some to claim he has cleaned up his act after years of alleged drug abuse.
Or at least that is what the tabloids would have you believe. Culkin, for his part, has always insisted such reports were lies.
“No, I was not pounding six grand of heroin every month or whatever,” he explained to The Guardian a few years back. “The thing that bugged me was tabloids wrapping it all in this weird guise of concern. No, you’re trying to shift papers.”
In any case, now seems like the perfect time for Culkin to step back into the limelight and reprise the role of Home Alone hero Kevin McAllister.
Why, you ask? Because pretty much every much-loved movie and TV show from the 80s and 90s is being resurrected in the name of the almighty dollar. Home Alone deserves the same opportunity.
More importantly, loaded has an absolutely killer idea for a sequel that is hip, post modern and could bring the franchise kicking and screaming into 2017. Let’s begin.
Okay, everyone knows Kevin McAllister is probably way too old for the idea of him being left “Home Alone” to really matter. The subsequent truckload of godawful straight-to-DVD sequels also mean that whole middle class white suburbia home invasion thing has kind of been done to death.
And with the recent sad passing of John Heard, who played Kevin’s dad Peter in the original movies, it feels like maybe leaving the whole McAllister clan alone might be a good idea.
So how about a Home Alone movie that goes a little bit meta with a sequel starring Macaulay Culkin as…Macaulay Culkin.
The idea is simple: two down on their luck thieves decide to break in to Culkin’s luxury apartment, with plan being to rob the place and potentially kidnap the former child star. They hit upon the idea of the raid after reading about how Culkin has become this drug-addled mess in the tabloid media.
But the reality is altogether different: Culkin is no drug addict. He’s just a chilled out dude enjoying his money and, maybe, smoking a little bit of weed. Anyway, it’s a high tech place so Culkin gets wind of their attempt at breaking in downstairs (he lives in a high rise condo or something with security) and, under siege and keen to have a little fun, decides to revert into Kevin McAllister mode.
Harry And Marv
He sets about making a series of elaborate and potentially painful traps for their imminent arrival at his apartment. At this point, you could even have a scene where he calls Daniel Stern or Joe Pesci (Harry and Marv in the movie) because he’s forgotten how the traps worked in the original movie and needs their advice.
Once the burglars finally break into his apartment, all kinds of hell breaks loose, with Culkin’s various traps proving not only amusing but also painful – as in more painful than they were in the original movie.
In that sense, it would serve to poke fun at the original film’s cartoon violence while giving the movie itself a knowing, adult vibe. The rest can be pretty formulaic from there, with a few decent twists and turns along the way, before Culkin emerges from his apartment as a new hero to the news media, having tackled two burglars on his own and thus reinvented his image.
Heck, the film could even end with Culkin, in his agent’s office, talking about the potential for another Home Alone movie, with Culkin smiling before saying “I might have an idea…”
One More Thing…
The only thing missing is a snow shovel dude/ pigeon lady with a tale of woe and loaded even has an idea for that – Culkin is real-life mates with Seth Green.
How about a storyline where Seth Green reconnects with a fellow child star (Fred Savage is a good shout), having previously fallen out – it’s the sort of move pulled in This Is The End to genius effect and could easily work here.
They reconcile thanks to Culkin’s advice, which he is constantly relaying by mobile as the film goes on, resulting in a flat battery that prevents him from calling the cops (the burglars would have cut the internet off already). Oh and of course it’s set at Christmas.
This may all sound like a pretty high concept idea for a Home Alone sequel but, with the right script and the right cast, it could easily work in this era of reboots, sequels and remakes – loaded is urging screenwriters everywhere to make this happen, because no one here has the first clue how to do that ourselves.
Who wouldn’t want a little more Macaulay Culkin Home Alone magic in their lives?
Loaded staff writer Jack Beresford has produced content for Lad Bible, Axonn Media and a variety of online sports and news media outlets.