20 filthy innuendos that prove Great British Back Off is the rudest show on TV

"Excellent crack, perfect moist split."

The smut peddlers behind the Great British Bake Off innuendos
Bake Off The team behind the Great British Bake Off innuendos. Image Picture BBC

The Great British Bake Off is the monster BBC hit to rival Top Gear, but if you think it’s just about throwing together a fancy pastry or cake then you’re sorely mistaken.

GBBO, as fans like to call it, is the filthiest, naughtiest show on TV – and it’s all down to good old fashioned innuendo.

Hosts Mel Giedroyc and Sue Perkins are masters of the rude one-liner, while judges Paul Hollywood and Mary Berry often find describing sweet treats a minefield for double entendres.

With the show returning to BBC One, here are a handful of spectacularly funny Great British Bake Off innuendos from past series. Expect a lot more of this over the next few weeks…


1

“Keep your biscuits erect, you’ve got four hours to do so!”

2

“Excellent crack, perfect moist split.”

3

“It feels pretty brilliant to come first.”

4

“It’s all in the wrist action.”

5

“Outside looks great, can’t wait to get inside.”

6

“You want something quite rigid, but something that will taste good too.”

7

“I just haven’t got the power to pummel it around… I just finish it off to make it look smooth.”

8

“Get those lady’s fingers soggy!”

9

“Stop touching your dough balls.”

10

“Go on Mary, give it a good slapping.”

11

“Think palmier, think lattice, think pin-wheel. But mainly, think massive horn.”

12

“I love those hanging nuts.”

13

“Stand away from your hot baps!”

14

“You have got two hours to pop Mary’s cherry… in the oven, and bring it out again.”

15

“It’s got to be risen and rested before it goes in.”

16

“I’m going to try the old wiggling between two dangling things technique.”

17

“Right bakers, time to reveal your cracks.”

18

“Typically I do it on the floor, because it gets so stiff.”

19

“Some of them have got a good forking.”

20

“The terror of a soggy bottom has been keeping me up all night.”

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Loaded digital media manager Simon Reynolds has written about film and entertainment for various leading websites since 2008. Follow Simon at @simonreyn