What to expect from Great British Bake off on Channel 4

The Great British Bake-off will no longer be broadcast on BBC One from 2017.

The smut peddlers behind the Great British Bake Off innuendos
Bake Off The team behind the Great British Bake Off innuendos. Image Picture BBC

The Great British Bake Off will switch to Channel 4 following the conclusion of its current series, after negotiations between the BBC and the show’s production company broke down.

With financial demands cited as the main reason behind Love Productions move, the popular baking programme will now switch to Channel 4 on a three-series deal – and we can’t wait.

After all, Channel 4 has always been at the forefront of innovation when it comes to broadcasting which means goodbye Mary Berry and hello to an exciting new era of…


1 

Nudity

Cake Breasts Instagram

If one thing has been lacking from Bake Off, it’s nudity and after the success of their dystopian future of a dating show, Naked Attraction, Channel 4 will no doubt happily oblige.

That or a producer will insist on making all cakes look a bit like knobs, tits and/or vaginas.

2 

Keith Allen

Keith Allen in Robin Hood.

The man behind Fat Les’ football lad-anthem Vindaloo would be most likely living in squalor were it not for the continued efforts of Channel 4 to keep him in gainful employment.

To paraphrase Billy Joel, it might be time to “Say goodbye to (Paul) Hollywood” and hello to Allen as new head judge. We can picture his scathing comments now: “Sorry, Judy but I just don’t think your Victoria Sponge is fuckable enough.” Oh Keith…

3 

“Issues”


Channel 4 has always been dedicated to tackling issues with its programming, with everything from online trolls to, er, lesbian kisses tackled over the years – whether viewers like it or not. 

“If you’ve been affected by any of the issues raised in tonight’s drug addiction special of the Great British Bake Off, please call…”

4 

Tailored ads

 

Whether it’s the GiffGaff monstrosities that bookend the X Factor, or those deeply unfunny Fosters ads that, perversely, seem to accompany any comedy on Channel 4, Bake Off fans will soon learn to love and then loathe whatever company pays for those ten-second plugs that will feature six times every episode.

5 

Gordon ‘Effin’ Ramsey

 

Until now, Bake Off has lacked a ball-bag-faced TV chef willing to bellow in contestants faces all while standing in unnecessarily close proximity. Fortunately, Channel 4 have Rammo on retainer and, with Kitchen Nightmares getting a little tired, he may be tempted to jump ship.

6 

Innuendo in your end-o

Mel and Sue were never been shy of dropping a bit of innuendo into proceedings on the BBC but Channel 4 bosses will likely ditch any form of subtlety, now the pair have walked, in favour of a format that involves the Carrs – Alan and Jimmy -making a series of increasingly crude dick jokes.

7 

Rachel Riley

Countdown host Rachel RileyBecause no form of light entertainment on Channel 4 would be complete without their most prized asset – aside from Mary Portas of course. Sorry Carol Vorderman, you will always have a special place in our hearts.

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Loaded staff writer Jack Beresford has produced content for Lad Bible, Axonn Media and a variety of online sports and news media outlets.