It might sound like the sort of story you hear from that weird bloke in the pub that used to sell you Nokia 3310’s on the cheap and without a Sim card but apparently a bloke in Thailand was bit on the dick by an even bigger snake (whey!) this week.
Attaporn Boonmakchuay was enjoying a day like any other when the snake attack occurred.
The 38-year-old was busy laying some cable (that’s slang) in his bathroom when to his utter astonishment and shock a large python emerged from the toilet bowl and did the unthinkable – it sank it’s sizeable teeth directly into his genitals.
Speaking to Thailan’d Channel 7 news, Boonmakchuay revealed that he struggled with the three-metre python, which was attached to his penis, for a good half an hour.
“I fought it. I called my wife and she went to get the neighbour,” he explained.
“It took about a minute for the neighbour to get here. And all of a sudden, while I was holding it, it began to lose some strength so I used my hand to prise open its mouth. Then the snake released its grip by itself.”
Having fainted as a result of the blood loss, Attaporn was taken to a hospital, while the relevant authorities dealt with this monster of a snake.
And by that, we mean the python, not his penis.
Anyway, it looks like Boonmakchuay is going to make a full recovery, thanks in no small part to the fact the snake failed to do any serious damage to the urinary tract.
Now we’re just waiting for the big-screen adaptation starring James Franco.
Loaded staff writer Jack Beresford has produced content for Lad Bible, Axonn Media and a variety of online sports and news media outlets.