Ghana football failing because of players having too much sex

If you thought England had problems, spare a thought for Asamoah Gyan and co.

Asamoah Gyan comforts Andre Ayew.
Ghana distraught Asamoah Gyan comforts Andre Ayew. Image Getty

Ghanaian football has failed to reach the standards set by Europe’s top leagues because many of its players are simply having far too much sex.

Well, that’s what former Ghana international and manager Malik Jabir reckons.

Now employed as a technical advisor for Kano Pillars in his homeland, Jabir represented Ghana at the 1968 and 1972 Olympics and also took charge of the Black Stars back in 2003, so he is certainly someone in the know.

And when it comes to assessing the quality of football played in a country that has produced players like Tony Yeboah, Michael Essien and Asamoah Gyan among others, Jabir believes there is only one thing to blame for Ghana’s lack of progress in the beautiful game – bonking.

“A lot of today’s players cannot play 90 minutes because they get so tired easily,” he explained during an interview with a national radio station.

“And you know why? Because they don’t sleep enough and don’t train enough and they engage in too much sex.

“There are beautiful young girls in Ghana and they won’t leave them alone.”

To Jabir’s way of thinking, players need to find more of a balance between the two.

“There is time for sex and time for football, but if you mix the two you will never reach the top.”

Ghana has not lifted the Africa Cup of Nations since 1982, having finished second to Ivory Coast at the 2015 edition of the competition after losing on penalties despite going 2-0 up in the resulting shootout.

They also came within a penalty shootout of reaching the semi-finals of the World Cup in 2010, where Luis Suarez was, surprise, surprise, the villain in their quarter-final clash with Uruguay, saving with his hands what would undoubtedly have been the winner.

Imagine what Ghana could achieve if they stopped having so much sex.

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Loaded staff writer Jack Beresford has produced content for Lad Bible, Axonn Media and a variety of online sports and news media outlets.