With Euro 2016 upon us, Loaded has decided to rank the 10 best mascots ever seen at a European Championship.
While there was plenty of debate about who claimed the number one spot, we must admit that the plethora of football-themed crimes on show here made it relatively easy to rank the ones at the very bottom of the pile.
So, with that in mind, here is a rundown of every European Championship mascot, ranked from worst to best, as decided by us – enjoy!
Benelucky – Euro 2000
Closely resembling a child’s school art project that has been left to the very last minute to complete at maximum haste, it’s a struggle to find one redeeming feature about Benelucky. In fact, we are pretty sure there is a special place in hell reserved for this rat-faced ball of fluff. Shit name too.
Super Victor – Euro 2016
France were off the a bad start with this one the minute they decided to make him computer animated and things were hardly helped when it was discovered that Super Victor shares his name with a particular make of dildo. Top work guys.
Slavek and Slavko – Euro 2012
Though the organisers of Euro 2012 would no doubt strongly deny it, we can’t help but wonder whether they were inspired by Jedward with the design of Slavek and Slavko. What other explanation can there be for the appearance of these two surprised looking twats, complete with gelled to oblivion barnets?
Kinas – Euro 2004
Continuing UEFA’s bizarre preoccupation with making mascots look like small boys – something that was always likely to come back to haunt them – Kinas offers a chilling portent to what Cristiano Ronaldo would become; a bronzened, borderline cartoonish figure with the mentality of a spoiled 12-year-old.
Trix and Flix – Euro 2008
Let’s be honest for a second: Trix and Flix were utter pricks – and we don’t just say that because it rhymes. Presented in contrasting football kits alongside weird masks, it was almost like the pair were preparing to rob the watching fans.
Fortunately, for England fans, the Three Lions had already been robbed of a place at the tournament by one SCHTEVE McClaren.
Rabbit – Euro 1992
Produced at the height of Cadbury’s Caramel bar’s success – when it was perfectly acceptable for blokes to discuss having sex with a cartoon rabbit – this effort would have featured higher up the list were it not for the fact it is a blatant rip-off.
Berni – Euro 1988
Yeah, that’s right. Four years before Sweden ’92 we had another fucking bunny for a mascot. This one may have had the soulless, glacial gaze of a rabbit in the grip of myxomatosis but it still scores points for originality. People bloody loved bunnies back in the day, didn’t they?
Pinocchio – Euro 1980
Another European Championship, another pedophile’s wet dream, this 1980 paid tribute to the character of Pinocchio. We aren’t going to lie to you though, Pinocchio – Geppetto did a shit job of trying to make you look like a real boy.
Goaliath – Euro 1996
Seemingly inspired by the twin sugar-peddlers of the Honey Monster and Tony the Tiger, this Euro 96 effort earns brownie points for an innovative name (Goal-iath, geddit?) while his gurning expression has us all thinking wistfully back to Paul Gascoigne’s England heyday. Before he was racist.
Péno – Euro 1984
Yep, England fell short once again in a major competition with France’s fine looking cock (stop it!) coming out on top in our countdown of the best ever European Championship mascots. He’s your every day fowl too with ball and beer belly to match. Incroyable!
Loaded staff writer Jack Beresford has produced content for Lad Bible, Axonn Media and a variety of online sports and news media outlets.