With Father Figures, starring Owen Wilson and Ed Helms, hitting UK cinemas this weekend loaded felt it was high time someone celebrated some of the best and most embarrassing dad stories ever shared online.
Dads have been embarrassing their offspring for as long as time itself but these assorted stories, collected from Reddit, rank among the more unusual.
You may laugh, you may even even cry and you’ll almost certainly wince in recognition – here are The most Embarrassing Dad Stories Ever Shared On Reddit.
“One time my dad thought it’d be a good idea to put the body of our dead cat in the freezer. My mom was not home at the time and it was when there weren’t phones so he couldn’t call and tell her about the cat’s passing. So he decided to put it in the freezer for the time being. My dad forgot about this and when my mom got home she went into the freezer and found it and was pretty freaked out lol”
“When I was like 13, I was at the beach with my family…it wasn’t too crowded but there were folks around. Me and my dad get back from swimming and we’re laying on the beach when Hulk Hogan and Randy Savage walk by in their speedos. People just stare as they walk by. My dad was dozing off but as soon as he saw them he yelled “Woah…HULKAMANIA!!!” which cause everyone to laugh. Randy Savage looked at him, gave a thumbs up and said “Right on, brother” as Hulk shook his head and chuckled. Looking back it wasn’t that embarrassing but at the time I was mortified that my pop was so loud and giddy over seeing them.”
Coughing Over Coffee
“My dad is a long-time smoker and has COPD, so he gets constant, horrible coughing/choking fits. “We were at the grand opening of a new supermarket, and they were handing out free coffee and cake. My dad had one of his fits while sipping coffee and ended up spraying it out of his nose, all over the floor and a bunch of random strangers.
“I ran into the adjacent aisle and pretended not to know him for the rest of that shopping trip.”
“When i was in 9th grade my friend slept over at my house. And I always wake up before anyone I have over. So not wanting to wake her I quietly left the room, got some breakfast and sat in the living room to wait till she woke up. My dad was not aware that I had someone over and didn’t notice me in the living room. So he went into my room and rubbed my friends leg and said “goodmorning sweetie”. She screamed and never slept over again after that.”
A Trip To The Planetarium
“We look back on it in fondness now, but my Dad took me and my best friend to a science museum place and we went into the planetarium to watch a thing on the constellations. Dad had just come off from a double night shift (psych nurse) and was exhausted, so he fell asleep during the show. He snored so loud that he interrupted the lady speaking. At the time I was mortified, as an 11 year old would be, but now I understand how tired he must have been and I was never really upset about it at all :)”
“Me and my girlfriend took my parents out for dinner at a nice restaurant. The place is busy so it’s at about 90% capacity. Dad loses his fork. He left it on his plate when the server came to clear the appetizers so he can’t eat. She even asked him if he would like to keep it. Nope. Main course comes. No fork. Dad raises his hand and yells loudly enough for the entire place to hear:
Him: NURSE!!! I NEED HELP!!! I CAN’T EAT WITHOUT A FORK!
The entire place is staring at us. When the server comes over she handles it like a champ.
Her: Do I look like a nurse to you?
Him: No but you’re supposed to take of me, right?
Her: Yes, but not if you behave like that!
I would have given her an extra $50 tip if she would have asked if he needed his diaper changed.
For a little added humiliation, my gf used to work as a server in fine dining in Chicago so this was especially painful for her. We both agreed never to take my father out to eat again.”
Dating With Dad
“My parents absolutely can’t stand that they know nothing about my dating life (this is what happens when you make fun of your kids first girlfriends, you get shut out of it all). I never tell them when I’m dating or when I’m single and haven’t since junior high school and I’m now in my 30s.
“In my mid-late 20s my Dad would literally shop my photo and phone number around to girls at his work place and I’d get these lists of random phone numbers he would give me when I went to visit. He’d then get angry because I wouldn’t call them!
A. I wouldn’t want to call someone who randomly gives my Dad their phone number. B. I’m gay.”
That’s Not Cricket
“Dad thought there was a bee in his underwear, and (as one does) proceeded to disrobe. In the middle of a crowded bank. Screaming.
“It was a cricket.
“Or there’s the time he got surgery and refused to leave his bandages on (he wanted to gross us all out with his stitches). He was pretending to “suck out the pus”, and ripped out one of his stitches. That was fun to explain to the doctor.
“Or the time he slapped some kid in the back of the head thinking it was me.
“Or the time he got pulled over for drunk driving and my mom had to explain to the officer that, no, he wasn’t drunk. He was dancing.
“I could go on.”
“Don’t know if this counts as “dad thing” but the family went on holiday when I was a kid and we went to a “proper turkish night” on a boat, there was a belly dancer doing a show. And at the end of the show this lady went around the crowd collecting money in her skirt. When she got to my dad he sighed, pulled out his wallet, grabbed his card and swiped her cleavage and then laughed to himself.”
“We were crossing the street in Orlando and he suddenly sprinted ahead amongst a crowd of people. Apparently he had farted and it had “powered him forward”. He spent the next few minutes giggling manically on the crowded street. Daaaaad”
What Burns His Ass
“When I was in high school, my dad walked into the living room where my sister and I were watching TV. He had that look on his face, the one that said he was disappointed in us. He said, “Do you know what really burns my ass?” My sister and I looked at each other. Neither of us knew what he was talking about, or what the other one may have done. We shook our heads. He got a big grin on his face, turned sideways, and put his hand at butt level. He then said, “A flame about this high!” Then, he walked off. He passed away about 15 years ago. I miss him every day.”
The Ultimate Prank
“My dad played an elaborate prank on me that will never be forgotten by the family, ever.
“One night when I was about 5 or 6, the two of us were in the kitchen, figuring out what to eat. My dad had started rubbing his eye and complaining that “something was in it.” As we talked more about dinner, his eye-itching was near constant. He got fed up and walked to the silverware drawer. and got out a fork. I was confused and asked what he was doing. He looked at me and smiled, and said, “Don’t worry, I just… really…need to scratch my eye…” He then bent down (he had longer hair and this shaded his eyes) and proceeded to PUNCTURE HIS EYE. WHITE GOOP SPILLED ON TO THE COUNTER.
“Cue my hyperventilation and freak out. I started screaming and running around the house, and at one point, I ran to the adjacent bathroom (where he could still hear me) and looked at myself in the bathroom mirror and told myself “This isn’t happening!!!!” (often quoted by my family) “He had kept a little mayo packet hidden in his sleeve, and put it over his eye and punctured it. “He had always pulled a similar prank on my sister, involving power tools, his leg, and ketchup. “Also, he’s thrown my 2 year old nephew into the pool because “Well, I swore he could swim!”. Nephew could not in fact swim.”
Father Figures is in cinemas now