These Are The Dumbest Injuries Suffered On New Year’s Eve

Doctors, nurses and emergency service workers have revealed real life stories of stupidity.

The Star Trek facepalm meme.

New Year’s Eve is that one night of the year where people like to push the boat out.

Everyone wants to see the new year in in style, no matter what the cost to them physically, mentally or financially.

There are some who take the celebrations a little too far though and end up spending the last hours of the year just gone in a world of pain. These idiots usually end up in the care of the emergency services on what amounts to the busiest nights of the year.

How dumb are these people? Check out these real-life Reddit stories from emergency service workers detailing some of the dumbest injuries they have ever encountered on New Year’s Eve – and they are seriously dumb.

7

What An Ass

“We got an emergency trauma activation for a guy who tried to light a firework off his ass. Ending up frying his right hand, had second and third degree burns on most of it, and there were some pretty good burns on his ass, but nothing quite as bad as his hand.”

6

Steely Graze

“I’m a paramedic: I had a girl, that was drunk out of her mind, and decided, that after some guy spilled beer on her shirt, she’d like to wash it off with steel wool. Resulting in minor cuts all over her breasts. Natural selection desperately needed.”

5

Pita-Full

“Guy walks out of kebab-place in Oslo, slips on the ice, lands on his face, kebab still level, nothing spilled. Attempts to get up, but is too drunk to find balance, flips around 180 degrees, spraying his face with the contents of the pita. Proceeds to desperately roll around in meat and sauce. It was so sad! :(”

4

A Likely Story

“My friend is an ED nurse who worked on christmas day. She had someone come in with a burnt dick. He said he was trying to shoplift a BBQ chicken, but the burns went all the way around his willy so it was a fairly transparent excuse. Here’s a tip – ED nurses have heard it all, and they aren’t going to judge you, just tell em the truth!
Last year she had someone come into the Emergency Department with a broken nail. She waited 6 hrs to be seen by a doctor, given a band-aid and sent home.”

3

Safe Sex

“EMT from suburban Philadelphia…last year I worked New Years and had a good night…but the highlight was when some girl called 911 because she got a condom stuck in her vagina.

“Let that be a lesson to the guys: don’t try to impress girls with magnums if you can’t fit into them.”

2

Sparkling

“I was off this year (and stayed at home), but last year we had a nasty dumb call. Some (very) drunk guys at some hedonistic party put the end of a sparkler you hold in the ass and lit them. On one of the guys it either wasn’t ‘secure’ enough or something and it ended up giving him second and third degree burns in the taint, inside ass cheeks, and ball sac. It was pretty tough to call that in to the burn center on the radio and stay professional.”

1

Staples

“A drunk teenager stapled his balls together”

Previous Post
Next Post
Loaded staff writer Jack Beresford has produced content for Lad Bible, Axonn Media and a variety of online sports and news media outlets.