“Live fast die old!” 11 of David Brent’s most excruciating quotes

Your boss has never been as bad as this.

Ricky Gervais in David Brent: Life On The Road
Chilled-out entertainer Ricky Gervais is bringing David Brent back for Life On The Road. Image Picture courtesy eOne/Ray Burmiston

Ricky Gervais is about to revive his most famous creation in David Brent: Life On The Road.

The British comedy star will pick up with Brent post-Wernham Hogg as he’s working as a sales rep for cleaning and ladies’ personal hygiene products. His long-held dream of becoming a rock star refuses to die – he’s still touring the UK with rock band Foregone Conclusion in tow.

If this doesn’t sound like the making of a cringeworthy comedy then we don’t know what does. Ahead of Brent’s big screen comeback, here are a handful of his most cringeworthy quotes to remind you just why he was the boss from hell.


On how he sees himself

“I suppose I’ve created an atmosphere where I’m a friend first and a boss second. Probably an entertainer third.”


On being a dreamweaver

“If a good man comes to me, and says thank you David, for the opportunity and continued support in the work-related arena, but I’ve done that, I wanna better myself, I wanna move on, then I can make that dream come true, to, AKA, for you.”


On being a boss

“When people say to me: would you rather be thought of as a funny man or a great boss? My answer’s always the same, to me, they’re not mutually exclusive.”


On accountants

“Do not be fooled by their job descriptions, they are absolutely mad, all of ’em. Especially that one, he’s mental. Not literally of course, that wouldn’t work. Last place you’d want someone like that is in accounts.”


On alcoholism

“I know an alcoholic and it’s no laughing matter – particularly for his wife. She’s got alopecia, so not a happy home life.”


On breasts

“Look at this: ‘Dutch girls must be punished for having big boobs.’ Now you do not punish a girl, Dutch or otherwise, for having big boobs.”


On philosophy

“If you want the rainbow, you’ve got to put up with the rain. Do you know which ‘philosopher’ said that? Dolly Parton. And people say she’s just a pair of tits.”


On his life’s mission

“It’s almost like my work here’s done. I can’t imagine Jesus going ‘Oh, I’ve told a few people in Bethlehem I’m the son of God, can I just stay here with Mum and Dad now?’ No. You gotta move on. You gotta spread the word. You gotta go to Nazareth, please.”


On being a rocker

“People see me and see the suit, but they know I’m rock and roll through and through. You know ‘Live fast, die young’? Not my way. Live fast, sure. Too bloody fast sometimes – but die young? Die old.”


On substances

“When I get wasted, I go to munchie city, so I’m mad enough without the gear as well.”


On sexuality

“Some straight women like it the wrong way. It doesn’t matter if you’re gay. One in 10, apparently. That seems a bit high. You might be. If you are, good luck to you. Just make sure it’s legal and be safe.”

Life On The Road will open in UK cinemas on August 19.

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