Choking the chicken. Five knuckle shuffle. Pounding the fence post. Pumping the python…
Whatever you want to call it, there’s no getting away from masturbation. Everyone’s guilty, but few would be quite as honest about it as Danny Dyer.
The EastEnders hardman revealed on Channel 4’s Very British Problems that he experienced an early sexual epiphany to the Queen of Pop.
“My first wank was Madonna, I was a big fan of Madonna,” Dyer said. “So it wasn’t the girls in school, I think my first pedal was over Madonna, mid-80s when she was fit.
However, Dyer added that the present day Material Girl wasn’t tug-worthy material in his eyes.
“My first wank was Madonna, I was a big fan of Madonna.”
“I wouldn’t wank over her now she looks fucked,” he said matter-of-factly.
Very British Problems saw a host of UK stars reveal some of their awkward teenage years, with James Corden sharing the story of the bizarre lengths he had to go to just to cop a feel.
“There was a girl in our school, if you took her a Walnut Whip she let you feel her boobs, 100% true,” Corden explained.
“There was a queue of about four of us once, just you and a Walnut Whip and you’d go round the side of her house and just.”