Katy Perry’s new album Witness is being called a “spectacular failure” by numerous reviewers across the media gamut.
Some blame her need to prove herself artistically as the cause while others believe her confusing lyrics might be adding to the problem.
Spin magazine described Perry’s writing style as “lovably immature and even idiosyncratic,” which we can’t help but agree with. Songs like “Teenage Dream” and “I Kissed A Girl” all contain within them lovably immature yet incredibly witty lyrics that have come to define Perry in the pop universe.
With regards to Witness, though there are shades of the Katy we know and love, her style has experienced too whacky a shift for our liking.
loaded has collected some of the most insane lyrics from her 15-song album, judge for yourself.
“Roll eyes at highs, cheers in the lows, and stay in the flow, woah.”
This line from the album’s opening song seems like a lot to ask of one person’s emotions.
Hey, Hey, Hey
“Karate chopping the clichés and norms all in a dress.”
What does that EVEN MEAN?
“Texting me a little bubble of trouble. I’ve tried to ignore these thoughts that rumble.”
This is less insane and more terribly written and cheesy.
“A tiger, don’t lose no sleep. Don’t need opinions from a shellfish or a sheep. Don’t you come for me”
While we get the whole diss track idea, this line in particular is extremely confusing, what does a shellfish have to do with anything?
“So tell me something new. Figure out the Rubik’s Cube.”
How do these things even go together?
“I am my mother’s daughter and there are so many things I love about her but I have, I have to break the cycle, so I can sit first at the dinner table.”
This appears to refer to some kind of mother/daughter battle involving seating arrangements. What.
“Am I a car on fire? Will I be devoured?”
Both scenarios sound separately terrible but they make no sense together.
“So baby, come and take a swim with me. Make me ripple ’til I’m wavy.”
We can tell this is an ocean metaphor but it’s might confusing.
Bigger Than Me
“If I’m not evolving, I’m just another robot taking up oxygen.”
First of all, robots don’t breathe.
Save As Draft
“But what good will it do to reopen the wound? So I take a deep breath and I save as draft.”
Never in the history of good songs is it okay to reference an email function.
Into Me You See
“I was a ship floating aimlessly. So camouflage was my own worst enemy.”
There are many more and collectively they all beg the question, what have you been smoking Katy?
Loaded staff writer Danielle De La Bastide has lived all over the planet and written for BuzzFeed, Thought Catalog as well as print publications throughout the Caribbean.