Ranking The 5 Best Star Wars Porn Parodies From A Galaxy Not Far Away

A rundown of five legendary porn parodies centering around the ways of the Force

Rogue One: A Star Wars Story poster Felicity Jones
Force is strong Rogue One: A Star Wars Story's Felicity Jones. Image Disney/Lucasfilm

With Rogue One: A Star Wars Story now upon us, it seems only logical that loaded should revisit some of the other spin-off stories that exist in the Star Wars universe.

And by spin-offs, loaded of course means the multitude of porn parodies bearing one too many similarities to the iconic intergalactic space opera.

Would George Lucas approve of any of these? Probably not, but then none of us approved of A Phantom Menace so that makes us even.

Ranked by historical accuracy, visual effects and the quality of the sex scenes that feature, here are five porn films that use the force – ranked in descending order.

5

Porn Wars Episode 1 (2006)

Porn Wars Episode I

As loose (oh er) a Star Wars porn parody as you are likely to find, this film features lots of characters that look a bit like Jedis (they are called Jodis) and a bloke who could pass for Darth Vader if you dim the lights. There aren’t many specific references to the films though lesbian sex features prominently.

Fighting against a force called the Darkness, a group of Jodi leaders assemble a team of lean muscular looking women to train in the sexual powers of the force. The space battles are pretty spectacular too.

4

Space Nuts (2003)

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The first Star Wars porn parody to feature neither the words ‘Star’ or ‘Wars’ in the title, this is as much a bawdy sex comedy as it is an adult film centering on the force.

Seemingly edited together from a variety of different shoots, the film may land a couple of great gags but the sex scenes appear a little out of place and, at three hours, it has a punishing running time.

3

Star Babe (1977)

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Made to coincide with the release of the George Lucas original, Star Babe tells the story of three very sparkly looking ladies who are set to Planet Phallus to recover top secret plans.

Obviously it ends up being a trap with any number of porn-related hijinks ensuing. Notable for featuring a Darth Vader costume, Stormtrooper mask and…a bloke dressed as a gorilla, the movie does at least have a short running time and cantina scene.

2

Sex Wars (1985)

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A favourite among horny Jedis of a certain age, this VHS classic makes some bold choices to say the least when it comes to its portrayal of the Star Wars universe.

Princess Leia is played by multiple actresses and, more importantly, actually gets it on with Luke in full knowledge of the fact the pair are siblings. Still, with attention to details like the scrolling text at the start and a certain Admiral Ackbar cameoing (sort of ) it’s an enjoyable romp.

1

Star Wars XXX (2012)

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Porn parodies have come a long way since the 1970s – pardon the pun – with this effort arguably the Empire Strikes Bake of Star Wars sex movies.

Well paced, occasionally witty and possessing something approaching a plot, there’s even room for a few great Darth Vader choking gags – sorry, pun again – and some knowing nods to Star Wars folklore. Top work.

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Loaded staff writer Jack Beresford has produced content for Lad Bible, Axonn Media and a variety of online sports and news media outlets.