A List Of All The Random Things People Got Stuck Inside Themselves In 2017

A lot of this stuff got stuck inside butts too, before you ask.

An x-ray with a candy cane.

People can get themselves into some pretty dumb situations when it comes to putting things where they shouldn’t go.

But while it’s one thing to get something like, say, a ketchup bottle stuck up your behind some of the things people have managed to put in places they don’t belong is genuinely astonishing – and this isn’t just limited to stuff you stick up your bum either.

You might get something lodged up your nose. Other times things can get caught in your throat (oh er!). You can also get stuff stuck in your ear every now and then too.

Of course, there are also occasions when things get stuck in far ruder places. Like your penis or your vagina. And then there’s the butt. Because it turns out we shove a lot of random things up our rectum.

Don’t believe us? Check out this comprehensive list put together by Deadspin gleaned from the US Consumer Product Safety Commission’s database of emergency room visits, and see for yourself.

Things Stuck Up The Nose

Unsurprisingly, these all sound like the kind of things kids might get stuck up there. Well, other than the fishing lure:

  • Gum
  • Candy Wrapper
  • Pink Balloon
  • Wad Of Hair
  • Fishing Lure
  • Baby Bottle Nipple
  • One Magnet In Each Nostril

Things Stuck In The Ears

Everyone fiddles with their ear and we’ve all been dumb enough to put things up there on occasion. That’s not a sex reference before you ask:

  • Bobby Pin
  • Bread
  • Battery
  • Broom Straw
  • Slim Metal Rod
  • Paper Towel
  • Putty
  • A Bean
  • Stem Of A Plastic Flower
  • Two Stickers Stuck Together

Things Stuck In The Throat

There’s really nothing sexy about any of this. Especially the confetti:

  • Open Safety Pin
  • Cigarette
  • Diary Key
  • Easter Egg
  • Swallowed Staples Because “Aliens Told Her To”
  • Sewing Needly
  • Grits
  • A Golden Shiny Penny
  • Confetti
  • Hot Sauce Packet

Things Stuck In The Penis

If your reaction to any of the items listed below is ‘how?’ or ‘why?’ then congratulations: you are a well-adjusted individual:

  • A Little Screw
  • A Sharp Toy
  • Four-Inch-Long Metal Sex Toy
  • Plastic Spoon
  • Piece Of Domino
  • Piece Of Plastic Shampoo Bottle

 

Things Stuck In The Vagina

Some of these will genuinely make you wince with pain. It’s horrific:

  • Scented Soap
  • Deodorant Lid
  • Penis Ring With Spikes On It
  • Bottlecap
  • A Rusty Piece Of Metal
  • A Ball
  • Bike Reflector
  • Hot Towel
  • Candlestick
  • Lollipop
  • Toy Magic Wand

And last but definitely not least…

Things Stuck In The Vagina

The cat food can and vibrating dildo are our personal favourites. Would have loved to have been a fly on the wall during those visits:

  • Golf Ball
  • Peanut Butter Jar
  • Spray Bottle
  • Curtain Rod
  • Toothbrush
  • Mouthwash Bottle
  • Screwdriver
  • Plastic Fork
  • Plastic, Vibrating Dildo That Can’t Turn Off
  • Hair Brush
  • Marbles
  • A Large Bottle Of Shampoo
  • Cat Food Can
  • Batteries
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Loaded staff writer Jack Beresford has produced content for Lad Bible, Axonn Media and a variety of online sports and news media outlets.