Charlie Sheen is an unstoppable force of nature that shows no signs of slowing down anytime soon.
A Hollywood bad boy is his prime and a damn fine actor to boot, Sheen has been living the crazy life since leaving the hit sitcom Two And Half Men with giant swords, tiger blood and the concept of forever “winning” all becoming part of his repertoire.
He’s also become something of a quote machine, capable of firing off any number of weird and wonderful comments on life, the universe and the world as we know it.
Here are nine of his funniest quotes to date.
“I probably took more drugs than anyone could survive. I was banging seven-gram rocks, because that’s how I roll. I have one speed, I have one gear: Go.”
“I am on a drug – it’s called Charlie Sheen. It’s not available because if you try it, you will die. Your face will melt off and your children will weep over your exploded body.”
“Thomas Jefferson was a pussy.”
“The run I was on made Sinatra, Flynn, Jagger, Richards, all of them, just look like droopy-eyed, armless children.”
“I’m tired of pretending like I’m not special. I’m tired of pretending like I’m not bitchin’, a total freakin’ rock star from Mars.”
“If you’re a part of my family, I will love you violently.”
On his brain:
“If you borrowed my brain for five seconds, you’d be like, ‘Dude! Can’t handle it, unplug this bastard!’ It fires in a way that’s maybe not from, uh… this terrestrial realm.”
“The nights I don’t sleep it’s because there’s a higher calling telling me to stand guard.”
“I’m sorry man, I got magic and I’ve got poetry in my fingertips, you know, most of the time, and this includes naps.”
Loaded staff writer Jack Beresford has produced content for Lad Bible, Axonn Media and a variety of online sports and news media outlets.