7 Essential Tips for Surviving The Office Christmas Party

Because office Christmas parties can be memorable for all the wrong reasons...

The Wolf of Wall Street
When office parties get out of control A handy guide. Image Paramount

Christmas time brings plenty in the way of annual traditions.

A Turkey with all the trimmings, festive decorations everywhere and the purchasing of any number of gifts for your nearest and dearest.

But before all the proper festivities can begin, there is the small matter of the work Christmas party.

This annual celebration might, on the face of it, appear like jolly good bit of fun but there are any number of traps and obstacles lying in wait. Fail to successfully traverse them at the results could be a messy hangover, embarrassing display or sometimes something even worse.

Fortunately, help is at hand for loaded readers in the form of Dr Seth Rankin, a medical professional with a seven-step guide to help you survive the Christmas shindig.

1

Preparation is everything

If you’re lucky, your Christmas party will be on Friday, or if your boss is feeling generous, you may be granted the next morning off to recover. Just make sure you don’t plan any big work tasks for the next day – clear your schedule, to avoid any unnecessary stress! So long as you make it into the office and look busy, no one will notice your unbearable hangover preventing any productive activity. 

Pre-buy your post-night-out hangover cure (whether it be fruit juice or a smoothie, topped up with either paracetamol or ibuprofen). Chances are, you’ll need every possible minute of sleep available, so be prepared…

2

Party food!

Any good party will have a few nibbles at least, but not always enough to line the stomach. Make sure you eat properly on the day of the event, including a good dinner. Don’t rely on those finger sandwiches and cocktail stick snacks for a sustainable meal – or else you’ll end up starving hungry throughout the evening, and sneaking off to the kebab shop afterwards! 

3

Christmas Spirit

Rumour has it, some Christmas parties involve alcohol. Some even provide free alcohol. And in some cases, the Christmas party is traditionally scandalous, binge-drinking affair – with shots flying left, right and centre. 

So if you do plan on drinking, make sure you pace yourself and try to drink some water in between each alcoholic beverage. And careful not to peak too soon, or you’ll risk passing out in the venue’s toilets, like that girl from HR did last year… 

4

Easy on the Twerking

Dancefloor-related accidents are not a laughing matter. Well, they usually are at the time, but not so much in the ensuing days to weeks of injury. From sprained ankles, or pulled muscles – the dance floor is a dangerous place. Add a few clumsy people and some broken glass to the mix, and you’ve got yourself a seriously dangerous situation.

You’re more than welcome to bust out your Running Man rendition, or attempt at the JuJu on that Beat dance, but do your colleagues really need to see your twerking skills? That’s not going to help your office reputation one iota. 

5

Know your limits

So, it turns out that your boss likes tequila. Quite a lot, in fact! Don’t feel pressured to join in with the shots though, if you’re not familiar with the effects of this shot.

There’s no worse time to delve into the unknown of a new poison than your office Christmas party – save it for a night on the tiles with friends!.

6

Kisses Under the Mistletoe

It’s probably best not to hook up with that woman in accounts, or that new marketing intern, but if it does happen, make sure to use protection! If – heaven forbid – it’s unprotected, we’ll be seeing you in a month’s time* for your post-hook-up sexual health screen! As convenient and stress-free as LDC makes its STI screening services, it’s still probably not worth it for that one night of inappropriate office passion.

*or two weeks, for an early-detection screen, if you’re really concerned! 

7

Post-Party Survival

Upon your retreat home, don’t forget that glass of water before bed – a last ditch attempt to prevent the dehydration headache. You’ll also feel a lot better if you manage to catch those recommended 8 hours of kip, without being too late to the office. If your hydration attempts fail, and your head starts to hurt in the morning, take a paracetamol or ibuprofen to ease the pain, and drink plenty more fluid, while avoiding the temptation of caffeinated drinks – these will only worsen your dehydration headache.

Dr Seth Rankin is the founder of London Doctors Clinic

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Loaded staff writer Jack Beresford has produced content for Lad Bible, Axonn Media and a variety of online sports and news media outlets.