These Are Officially The 5 Most Horribly Painful Ways You Could Die

Scientist Paul Doherty and writer Cody Cassidy took two years to produce the findings.

The Walking Dead Negan baseball bat
Negan's bat In the walking dead Image Picture AMC

The five worst possible ways you could die have been revealed by a pair of researchers who spent the last two years researching this rather morbid topic. 

Death isn’t something anyone wants to think about too much, but for scientist Paul Doherty and writer Cody Cassidy it’s pretty much all they’ve thought about for the last 24 months.

In the midst of putting together a book on the subject of death, the pair conducted a Reddit Q&A on the very subject, which included what they now reckon are the five worst ways you could possibly meet your maker.

Read on – if you dare…


5

Crushed By A Lift

Going up? Fifty Shades Darker Image Universal Pictures

Let’s start with a straightforward one. The pair rank being crushed by a lift as pretty high on the scale.

If you happen to suffer the misfortune of being in a lift when the cable snaps, they reckon the best bit of advice they can offer is that you lie on your back.

Doing so will help “spread out the G forces evenly through your body”. Alternatively, if you stay stood up, the chances are your vital organs will continue to fall through your body. Which is gross.

 

4

 Bone-Eating Snot Flowers

Now, this one is pretty specific. The Mariana Trench is the deepest known part of the world’s oceans, stretching down well over 36,000 feet. 

It’s also home to some rather unusual creatures and, in the event that you found yourself underwater and tumbling down fast, you’d be pretty screwed according to Doherty:

“If you sank to the bottom of the Mariana Trench you would drown before you reached a crushing depth. 

“But if you found a small submersible boat or other craft, and were able to swim out at the bottom, you would experience a different kind of death. 

“The air pockets inside you, namely in your nasal cavity, throat and chest, would be a problem. Those would collapse inward, which would fatal. 

“Because you wouldn’t have any air, you wouldn’t float to the surface and you would likely stay at the bottom to be consumed by the bone-eating snot flower, which usually eats whale bones but would probably make an exception in this case.” 

3

Neutron Stars

When a huge star dies, it becomes something called a neutron star which is basically the explosion of something around 15 times larger than the sun. 

Now, while you are unlikely to ever get close to one, this is what would happen if you did:

“You would be killed by extreme gravity. This means if your head is pointed toward the neutron star it will be tugged toward the star much more strongly than your feet and this tidal force will rip you apart.

“Neutron stars are a hundred billion times stronger magnets than the strongest magnets on earth.

“At those levels of magnetism your atoms are distorted into thin cigars and all the bonds between atoms that make up the molecules in your body are broken. This means you become a plasma shaped human cloud that is tidally stretched and pulled into the star.”

 

2

Particle Accelerators

December 1994, Sipadan, Borneo --- School of Neon Fusiliers --- Image by © Royalty-Free/Corbis

While a Russian scientist by the name of Anatoli Bugorski actually managed to survive being struck by one of these, in almost all other instances something very different and very grim would actually occur:

“Whether you would die or not would depend on the power of the particle accelerator and how much radiation it was carrying.

“Bugorski’s accelerator was 100 less times as powerful than the Large Hadron Collider (LHC) and it was also only a single pulse, while the LHC is a machine gun.

“The beam paralysed one side of Anatoli Bugorki’s face. As a result now many years later one side of his face is smooth and unwrinkled while the other side has aged by decades.

“But since Bugorski nearly died from radiation poisoning, we think a hit from the LHC would be lethal.”

1

Jumping Through The Earth

Earth From the perspective of the The Sun

Alright, this is obviously another massive hypothetical but say you managed to dig a hole all the way through the Earth through to the other side and then jumped down said hole, it would take you 45 minutes to get to the other side.

But you would be dead long before that:

“The centre of the earth is hotter than the surface of the sun, so you’d cook.

“The pressure and density of the air starts out doubling every 15,000 feet of depth (3 miles) so after 10 doublings at 15,000 feet and 30 miles the air is as dense as water and you sink no further.”

Stay safe out there guys.

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Loaded staff writer Jack Beresford has produced content for Lad Bible, Axonn Media and a variety of online sports and news media outlets.