Hipsters are secretly the cultural apocalypse, they were created to slowly destroy the authenticity of every major hub in the world.
Take New York for instance – Williamsburg, Brooklyn was a haven for artists and immigrants in the seventies and eighties, until gentrification brought in artisanal cupcakes and sky-high rents. Now the only privileged lot that live there can barely draw a stick figure.
London is facing a similar problem of late, with a select few stops on the tube line turning into coffee and vinyl-filled hell holes. Double denim and irony hold court, as well as £200 ripped sweaters. Don’t get us started on Cereal Killer Cafe run by the twin hipster horsemen of the end of days. Good nosh though – we can appreciate a fruity pebble or two.
Or how about Look Mum No Hands! The Old Street coffee shop is all bikes, recycled wood paneling and shitty muesli?
loaded has compiled a list of hipster bullshit in London. Don’t cry, you flannel f**ks…
Ugh. Where do we start? The chairs that don’t match or the record player in every room?
We’ll just quote the cringe-y Evening Standard article on the Keery twins for this one.
“The café is their life, they work 15-hour days with no time for girlfriends or even a game of squash. Alan was planning a holiday to Bali but can’t go now the protest has happened. They’ve only had three days off since opening.”
*hitting head on desk
London’s first board game cafe. Located in a railway arch in Hackney, this bar/cafe doesn’t have Hasbro’s Operation – the only board game worth playing when you’re pissed.
The website is written in courier fucking new. Literally the worst. They describe the cafe as a ‘place where you can do as you please, and each guest ‘becomes a micro-tenant of the space.’ You don’t pay for food, only the time you spend. Just take our money and give us food, why do we have to do math?
Why are doughnuts always involved with hipster fuckery? This Soho haunt was recommended by GOOP so you know its bullcrap. They have a Beetroot Lemon-Thyme doughnut. Okay. Too far.
Loaded staff writer Danielle De La Bastide has lived all over the planet and written for BuzzFeed, Thought Catalog as well as print publications throughout the Caribbean.