2015’s most absurd Advent calendars

Because everyone wants a beard oil behind December 5’s door.

Lingerie in absurd advent calendar
Calendar girl Part of fancy pant makers TheEnclosed’s £650 advent calendar.

Here at Loaded, we’re happy with a fun-size Twix or tiny yo-yo behind the doors of the office advent calendar.

But if you’re a blingy chancer or freakily obsessed with power tools, there are always companies out there happy to scam you.

Loaded looks at the most ridiculous advent calendars out there, while wondering who’s nicked the handmade truffle caramel behind door one…

 

1

Old And Rare Whisky (£999.95)

Apparently, there’s a whisky in Master Of Moat’s calendar worth £2,000-a-bottle. Which makes the £1,000 price tag an absolute steal. And it’s got a 60-year-old single malt! Pass us the Jack Daniel’s, ferchrissakes.

2

The Bearded Man Beard Oil (£25)

“All his bearded Christmases have come at once,” promise The Bearded Man Company. Why, has someone bought him a Gillette Fusion? No, it’s 24 different scents. Eau de whopper being about 23 of them.

 

3

Christian Lacroix (£41)

In fairness, a pop-up advent calendar featuring a zebra is pretty cool. But a “gold foil belly band with hot-stamped Christian Lacroix Paris logo and 3D view of the open calendar”? Is this an advent calendar or a sarong? We’re easily confused.

 

4

Best Of British Beer (£95)

Enough to make The Pub Landlord puce with fury, you’ll have to part with nearly a ton for 24 cans. What’s wrong with a Tesco special offer?

 

5

Ginvent (£114.95)

From the same bunch as the Old And Rare Whisky calendar comes 24 3cl samplers. The name alone makes us want to go on a meths binge.

Old And Rare Whisky Advent Calendar
Whisky galore The old, rare and ruinously expensive advent calendar.

6

TheEnclosed (£650)

Because nothing says the spirit of Christmas like unwrapping 24 pairs of lingerie. Anyone who buys this should go straight on the register.

 

7

Wera (£60)

In case you can’t wait for the Boxing Day B&Q sale, here’s a calendar with “gifts” including a screwdriver bit holder, sockets and something called a Zyklop Mini 2.

8

Charbonnel et Walker (£55)

“Certain to delight!” promise the fruitily-named chocolatiers to the Queen. Who’d probably prefer a big purple Quality Street to this overpriced muck.

 

9

Liberty (£149)

Minus points straight away for including 25 doors. Allegedly, the products inside are actually worth £400 ordinarily. Try telling that to the missus when she finds tiny, unusable sachets of bath and body products.

 

10

Harrods (£1.7 million)

Sorry, folks, this was a one-off last year. Your chance to spunk a fortune on tat from Porsche and Octagon Blue jewellery will have to wait.

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Loaded’s deputy editor John Earls has covered entertainment and sport across a range of national newspapers, plus several football and music magazines, since 1990. Follow him on Twitter at @EarlsJohn

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