With 2013 not far away, the teenage years of the 21st century are looming fast upon us. And just like a real teenager, the middle classes are bad with money, angry at those who look after us and obsessed with sex. S&M has become as popular for the middle classes as M&S, while visiting kinky sex clubs such as Killing Kittens is becoming the norm. There is definitely something in the water. Halfway through Fifty Shades Of Grey, saucy Jess Kingham took time out to tell us why she thinks Britain’s so horny. “I think there are so many people that normally get embarrassed about sex but now they’re are being open about it,” she giggled. “There is a lot of chains and whips being bought out at the moment, it’s fun and I like it.”
But can she put her finger on the reason for the recent surge in steamy activity? “People just seem to be enjoying themselves more and a few barriers have been let down so people aren’t as prude about it,” is her simple yet convincing explanation.
Fifty Shades of Grey has caused a sensation and sent sales of mummy or commuter porn soaring. For Jess it hit the spot as perfect reading matter for a flame-haired vixen like her. “Yeah I think it’s women’s porn because it’s probably a bit naughtier. At first I thought it was quite a soppy book, then it turned into the bedroom with the chamber and it brought me in quite a lot – it was really kinky,” she happily relates to us. “I think it’s been successful because it allows everyone to admit to their own little sex fetishes, it’s basically porn for young women all the way up to the milfs.”
But what of the age old reputation of the British being stiff lipped? “What’s better than being able to read porn on the train without being frowned upon?” replies Jess. The book sets some pretty clear guidelines about what’s acceptable and our curvaceous moral compass nods and agrees that these are the correct measures for everyone who is looking to explore their dirty, sexual side. But what about our Jess, what’s her favourite ways to indulge her desires in the bedroom? “Personally I like it rough,” she declares. Sorry? “Yes I have the same rules as the book so no blood or urine or anything weird.” OK, we can live with that. “Besides that I like everything. I like being tied up and using handcuffs, but I also like to be the dominant one more than the submissive. Nearly everything else is in limits but none of the gross stuff.”
We are sure that this article has done nothing but further wet the nation’s sexual appetite. Just remember: no weird stuff and keep it up.