The 13 Biggest Dickheads In The Entire Alien Movie Universe

The Aliens vs Predator movies do not feature. You'd struggle to find a character who wasn't a dickhead in those movies.

The alien movies.
The Alien collection Who is the biggest dickhead of them all? Image 20th Century Fox

They say the only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is that good men do nothing, but in the Alien movie universe it’s a slightly different story.

In order for the film’s titular Xenomorphs to thrive and survive, the Alien movie universe requires one thing in abundance: dickheads.

Over the years, Alien fans have been treated to many a dickhead. Sometimes they think they can control these chest-bursting monsters – they can’t. Other times they are just prone to making daft decisions  – like bringing mysterious alien beings onboard their ships. Then there are those who are just plain dumb.

Whatever the case, every Alien movie requires at least one dick to move the story forward, so loaded thought it was high time someone brought the whole collection together in celebration of their all-round dickheadedness. Here are the final 13.

1

Gilbert Kane

John Hurt as Kane
John Hurt as Kane in Alien Image 20th Century Fox

The very first dickhead in the franchise, Kane volunteered to be part of the team sent out to search for the origin of the signal on LV-426.

His first cock up came after slipping down into a shallow pit carrying some mysterious looking eggs, disrupting a protective blue mist above them in the process.

Then, when one of the eggs began to open, rather than turn away and run, he decided to peer inside getting a face full of alien in the process. It was all downhill from there.

Dickhead Rating: 5/10 – A clumsy idiot.

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Loaded staff writer Jack Beresford has produced content for Lad Bible, Axonn Media and a variety of online sports and news media outlets.