Whether it’s a walk of shame or a stride of pride, one thing everyone can agree on is that the journey home after a night of “passion” can be a problematic affair.
And if any further proof of that fact was required, the following 11 stories, shared by people on Reddit, should suffice.
Some are funny, kind of sweet and then there are those that are just plain weird. Here goes…
A Hero In A Half-Shell
Met a girl on Halloween and her group of friends, she invited me back, we had like five more drinks and she was too drunk to function. Took her home, took care of her while she puked, and we woke up together and cuddled. She thanked me and invited me to stay the day with her. I did, and stayed the night again, and then on November 2nd I had to walk home as a Ninja Turtle through the financial district of our city
Looking Like A Dick
In college, woke up the next day after a party across campus. Walked back to my house. Voting was a thing that day, lots of students out encouraging to vote. I walked into a campus building, interacted with lots of people, voted and left.
Got home to realize a big dick drawn in sharpie on my forehead.
Was wondering why people were looking at me funny.
It’s A Sprint Not A Marathon
When I decided to stay all night at FWB’s house, I wasn’t thinking about the fact that the Chicago Marathon route went right in front of my apartment building. I found myself on the opposite side of the street from my building unable to cross due to the constant runners. I asked an officer how I could get across. He said, “You’re going to have to wait for a small break and run with them until you can get to the other side.” So, I waited until there was a slight clearing in the number of runners and ran out into the street. There I was, running with them in my high-heeled boots and skirt that I had on the night before. I only had to run with them for a few feet to make it across, but it was embarrassing as hell. Luckily the section of street I lived on in the south side wasn’t a popular place for people to watch the race from.
Help And High-Fives
I’ll start off by saying I’m a guy. It was my sophmore year during sylly week. Went to a party on a Tuesday night at one of our houses, we had parties every night that week since classes are a joke that first week. It was a fun party and naturally I got hammered as college students do. I bumped into a girl and she spilled jungle juice on my white t shirt. Was too drunk to care. I was dancing and a girl started dancing with me. We hit it off, started making out ect. She basically drags my drunk ass back to her place.
We get down to business, she starts taking off my clothes and as she pulled down my shorts she ripped them clear down the front. I’m not taking like a small rip but one that basically ripped the fly in half and almost tore the pant leg clean off. They were kind of these hybrid board short chino things, looked really cool but not very durable to say the least. Yet I didn’t care for obvious reasons.
So fast forward to the next morning. I get up start to say my goodbyes and get dressed. I start putting on my clothes. The white T with an ominous red stain down the front, the torn shorts, I look at my white vans and they look like they has spent 8 years in the forest from being stepped on. I’m a mess, I look like a rape victim or a rapist take your pick and I was still a little drunk. So I leave her apartment and realize I am on the opposite side of campus (2 miles away from my house). I start on my walk of shame. Got lots of looks, some questions, was asked if I needed help and the occasional high five. Made it about halfway to my destination when my housemate sees me while driving by, and breaks down hysterically laughing asking me what the fuck happened to me while taking a snapchat. He drove me the rest of the way home.
Old Man Blues
I was at a party where everyone dressed up as old people. I had a white wig and everything. At one point I traded my pants for bathrobe because why not.
At the after-party someone had popped a big moving-box worth of popcorn. Because of that I’m never sensible enough to to stop partying I was the last one to go to bed at that party I slept in the box of popcorn.
It looked a little weird the next day on the bus ride home when a guy without pants dressed as a an old man with popcorn everywhere was trying to survive a hangover.
I think it looked like I was a confused old man that had escaped from the old folks home.
Run It Off
College. Typical (not frat) house party, gym bros and yoga hoes theme. My friends ripped my shirt off mid party because testosterone and alcohol. Wearing nothing but gym shorts and joggers running shoes, somehow managed to still get laid. Wake up next morning and frantically look for clothing, didn’t find my shirt. This is when I remembered some cartoon I saw a while back of a woman getting locked out of her house in underwear. Her friend is jogging by and convinces her to jog along side to avoid embarrassment. I decide that that is a perfect solution and begin jogging back to my apartment on the other side of campus, pretending to be out for my normal morning routine. its maybe -1c out, nipples able to cut diamond, jog past someone in long spandex, sweater, gloves, and ear muffs. Totally worth it TL;DR: a cartoon told me to risked hypothermia so I didn’t have to ask one night stand for clothing
The Tour Guide From Hell
My fiancée was walking back from her then boyfriends frat house on a crisp, fall Friday morning. Complete with the previous nights apparel, fishnets and a rag top, carrying her heels (some sort of theme party). As she walked through a section of buildings on campus as a shortcut she encountered a tour group, and tried to heel toe by with her head down. As she is making her way as quickly as possible, trying not to bring attention to herself, the girl leading the tour says, “Everyone say ‘Hello Holly!'” And about 45 sets of eyes panned to a scantily clothed 20 year old woman running away from campus as quickly as possible. The tour guide was her sorority sister and doesn’t let her live that down.
A couple Halloweens ago, I went out with a lovely lady to a party. I went as Agent Venom from Spider-Man. We hooked up and she let me crash at her place, which actually was not supposed to happen, so morning rolls around and I realize that I have no change of clothes. Fuck. So, I basically say “screw it” put my costume back on (sans the mask) and walk to my car. On the way to my car, I see a dude around my age in a Spider-Man outfit walking towards me. He starts to say something and I just say “can it, Parker! I’m busy!” and we laughed, but I kept walking to my car. Got in, and drove home. The end.
Rock PJ Bottom
I have a similar story! I went to a party as a sexy ladybug, hooked up with a guy, puked, borrowed my friend’s PJ bottoms, and fell asleep. The next morning we get a call from another of our friends who was in an abusive marriage at the time. I was wearing PJ bottoms that were too short and my heels from the night before because my feet are smaller than any of my friends’ and I couldn’t borrow. We picked my friend up and convinced her to file a police report after seeing that she had a black eye and whatnot. Find me, day after Halloween, in the waiting room of the police station with high heels and flood pajama bottoms and god knows what on top. Unshowered, hungover, with last night’s makeup all over my face. I felt like a mess. The guy I hooked up with came along for the ride though and we ended up dating for about 2 years after that.
A Tinder Moment
Met a guy on tinder who insisted he picked me up instead of me driving my car there. We proceeded to his house where we got very, very drunk and had lots of sex. At one point he went to get us tacos while I was sleeping on the couch. I woke up an hour later, he wasn’t back. It was weird because Taco Bell was just down the street. I went back to sleep. Woke up another 2 hours later, he still was not there and it was now dark outside. I texted him and he said, “oh yeah, I went to my parents house.” He had left me in his apartment by myself with no way to get home. I had even forgotten my wallet so I couldn’t get a cab. Had to call my roommate to buy me an uber from where she was. Also I got my period that morning on his couch. Fuck that guy
What A Beautiful Man
I’m American, went to Scotland, and stayed with a family that was on an adorable tract of land. There was this grand motherly mom, her daughter, and her son.
So me and the daughter hit it off and even though she was going to be sleeping downstairs she was going to be hanging out with me and her brother until later anyways. Well, we were drinking and smoking hash, the brother gets sick and heads to the bathroom. He goes to bed after that, so it’s me and the girl. I was a virgin at the time.
We lay on her bed and within 5 seconds we’re making out. After that clothes are coming off, then we’re banging. And not quietly either, I had never had sex before and my animal brain wasn’t thinking about anything else….Like her mother downstairs.
So it gets later and later, the mother starts screaming for the daughter to come downstairs, which she ignores because I’m balls deep… So yeah, we fucked all night long and I pass out naked.
In the morning we hear her mother coming upstairs, STOMP STOMP STOMP! Shouting her name every step of the way, she barges right in as the girl gets to the door in a robe and tries stopping her. Doesn’t quite work, so I do what any competent 18-19yo would do getting caught naked with the daughter of your host…in a foreign country.
I played dead. Or asleep, but I felt like dying.
Then the mother says to her daughter, “Oh Heather…..what a beautiful man.
“MUM! GET THE FUCK OOT!”
God, breakfast was so fucking awkward. All of that. Everything about that day was shameful and I walked sometimes, so I’m calling this story my walk of shame story.
12 Painfully Funny Real-life Stories About House Guests From Hell